When Strangers Meddle
I went shopping my son this weekend and experienced a first: a stranger meddling in my business.
We were at our 4th stop when I decided to let my baby out of the shopping cart and onto the floor. He had been going from the car seat to the stroller to the shopping cart, without a break. So I thought it was time to let him stretch. My son is an extremely smart and well behaved 18 month old. When I put him down, he simpy wanted to run. His 'run' is more like a slow bouncy waddle. He was right in front of me, safely cruising, when he noticed a greeting card with a giant chicken on the cover. He reached for it and began to say "cluck, cluck" A young lady (younger than me) took the card out of his hand and placed it back on the shelf. She also placed her hand on his back and guided him toward me saying. "Go to your mommy. Your mommy is calling you"
It took everything in me to pick him up and put him back in my buggy, rather than give her a piece of my mind. It's one thing to have an old grouch scold your kids, but this girl was my age. How dare she?!
Anyone out there have any tips on how to gracefully handle such a situation?
Debra
Syndicate
AddThis
So many parents seem to make a habit of looking at a mom or dad in the store and making an assumption on how they are responding to their children. The problem with the assumption to me is that they seem to make it based on how they would parent. For example Debra the young mom that brought your son back to you was acting on her belief (mostly brought on by the current parenting education) that a toddler should be constrained in a cart or on a child leash. Here is what I see behind that mom's motivation:
1) she is simply acting on a society that has lowered the expectation of parents - meaning we are "unable" to watch and keep our children "under control" unless they are right at our side.
2) Our children are "unable" to behave appropriately unless right at our side
3) How we raise our children is everybody's business but our own.
The third is the most apparent and the most annoying our society has adopted. I agree with JaMae, more parents need to firmly, yet politely, tell these meddling bystanders that we are in control of the situation whether they think so or not. You could have very appropriately asked that young mom, "I'm sorry did you think I didn't see my what my son was doing? So nice of you to go out of your way to show your concern." (with sarcasm :)
The problem I see a lot out there is as parents we make assumptions (guilty myself) about how another parent is handling their children when in reality we just don't know what is going on there. We may see a toddler running two paces ahead of his mom while she is walking expressionless behind him. Our first assumption may be to accuse that mother of not caring or failing to be observant of their toddler when in reality she is fully aware and her lack of expression is merely a result of a full day of shopping with a toddler.
My vote, when other parents meddle don't hesitate to tell them that you don't need their assistance but thank them for their efforts.
Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com
Me personally I have a real problem with other parents coming over while I am shopping and thinking it is their place to hand my "barely fussy" infant a toy to play with, almost always something from the cart! I have no hesitation to look at them and sternly say, "Please to touch my baby. I'm right here and well aware of her needs!"
I usually get a nasty look but I really don't care so much, that is my baby and I don't think a stranger should be trying to sooth her. I wouldn't care so much if they got my attention from the shelf and said, "can I give your little one something to play with." Then I would probably say yes and make a suggestion of what to give, like her toy is probably under her in the car seat!
I think you should tell parents you don't know that you are watching your son and well aware of what he is doing. You can thank them for caring if you want but definitely tell them he is okay doing what he is doing and you don't like them bringing him to you and assuming you "need" their guidance!