When Should We Start Letting Our Kids Stay up Late?
What time do your children go to bed at night? My boys, 8 and 6, go to bed at 8:00 on school nights and 9:00 on the weekends. Eli's always really good about going when it's time. Aidan always wants to stay up later. But I think those are reasonable times. I've talked to friends and there seems to be everything from 7:30 bedtimes up to "whenever they're tired."
Of course, we do have exceptions for special events or what not, but I try to stick to the schedule as much as I can and it seems to work pretty well for them. I'm just wondering if maybe Aidan's old enough to be staying up a bit later.
On a totally selfish note, though, I really kind of enjoy them going to bed a little eariler! I need that downtime before I'm ready for bed myself.
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Hi Cheryl,
I have to agree with Mikki and Elsie. First of all, don't feel like you are being selfish at all. You are not alone. My husband and I look forward to our time alone without baby each night. Joa goes to bed between 6:30 and 7:30pm and stays down until 7-8am Hopefully daylight savings won't mess up his schedule.
From a child development point of view, don't believe that as children get older they can get by with less sleep. That is just not true. While children are growing and developing, they need their sleep! Kids who go to bed when they are tired or when they just crash are simply not getting enough sleep. A consistent bedtime can prevent exhaustion. As Elsie pointed out, it also teaches children about values, responsibility, and taking care of their bodies.
As Mikki discussed, there are always exceptions, but try to stick to what you have. Sometimes kids want to stay up because they do not want to miss out on what is going on. As they get older they become more aware that life goes on after they go down and they want to be part of it. Be sure to include time to wind down each night before bed. Also, after your kids are in bed, try to keep the noise level and the lights low to decrease distractions.
I think your bedtimes are perfect. If you feel the kids' needs are changing - tweak their bedtime routine not their bed time.
Debra
Bedtime-This is one that we've been really bad at staying consistent with lately, especially considering how strict I've been with it in the past. I was strict for my own sanity though (if Aiden doesn't get enough sleep, he's really miserable to be around).
When mine was a baby he was in bed at 6:30. Mainly because he was so tired at that point that he was just screaming and we found that he would sleep until 10pm if I put him down that early, and then I could nurse him and he'd be out for another good stretch. We also found, that the less sleep he had, the worse off he was. He always got up extremely early (between 5:30 and 6am)...but putting him to bed later didn't help because instead of sleeping in, his internal alarm clock went off and he was up between 5:30 and 6 regardless of whether he went to bed at 6:30pm or 9pm--and if it'd been 9pm he was a CRANK. I was worried we'd never get a normal schedule!
As he got a little older and wasn't melting as early, we moved his bedtime back to 7 and then 7:30. It really depended on when we noticed that he was melting. He's pretty vocal about his needs. It was 7:30 for the longest time, but in recent weeks (since the school year has started) it has been pushed back to 8 because our schedule is so packed that we aren't eating dinner until later. And since he does o.k. with that, we've kept with it. On days that he fights his nap and doesn't sleep, we put him to bed between 7 and 7:30, but if he's had a nap, 8pm works well. I can always tell when he hasn't had enough sleep, or his schedule was off because he gets cranky and wild. (Yes, the less sleep my child has, the more wound up he is).
Kids need the consistency of bedtime. You've said before that Aidan has the option of staying up later if he chooses to read a book. I think that's a great plan. It makes it his choice, within the boundaries you have set up. And he'll also be in bed while he's reading, so you can have your own downtime. I agree with Mikki, downtime is a very important component of making you a better mom. It is nothing to feel guilty about. We always had specific bedtimes growing up, and once I got to high school I was in bed by 9pm every day because I didn't like the way I felt if I wasn't. Even now, if I stay up until midnight or later, my body starts feeling run down (sore throat, runny nose, etc). In a nation where sleep is getting pushed to the wayside, teaching your kids proper sleep habits is important for their future health and well-being.
This isn't to say that they should never ever stay up. Flexibility is key. As Mikki pointed out, there are some great bonding opportunities that shouldn't be interrupted for bedtime.
It sounds like you're doing a great job! Many kids fight their bedtimes...who wants to miss out on the fun? But just stay consistent. He may just be fighting it in order to see how far he can go.
~Elsie
Danielle is 16 and until this past year she still had to go to bed by 8pm. The latest was 9 and this wasn't a weekend thing, just sometimes nights got a little hectic and it was 9 before lights were out. Now she will stay up later in her room to read or write (mostly because she has trouble sleeping) but she still has to get ready for bed and go by 9pm. Kids need sleep, period and that need doesn't change as they get older. They may want to stay up later, and you could offer it as an incentive once in a while for the big brother role perhaps, but as a general rule I would continue with your bedtime.
Our sleep patterns are best when they aren't tampered with as well. Increasing the wake time as the kids grow really isn't the best thing for their growing body and mind. As kids get to stay up later they tend to "fight" bedtime more often, some even see it as a negotiation time. Also our kids are being disciplined for later years when they really need to hold fast to a normal and predictable schedule for proper health and sanity
I am not saying be rigid, we have "bedtime" movies which often lets even the youngest kids stay up til 10pm and there are times that dad stays up really late playing games with the kids. These are great bonding times but if done to often really disrupt more important needs. And you are not selfish in your time after they are in bed! Moms need quiet time, which makes us better for our families and most moms get this after their kids are in bed. I get up extra early for mine (because I just can't make it past 9 any more
In earlier years though after bed time was a time to relax in front of the TV or book, without having to pause every 10 minutes for something or take a shower without the door flying open 
I think 7:30 is too early, even for little ones and 9pm has always been my consistent cut off. Your 8 o-clock bedtime is what works for them, so I think that is what time your kids need to go to bed. My mom always said, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Mikki Hogan Publisher of UniqueParenting.com