What is The Best Way to Establish Eating Discipline?

Thanks for your replies. Great advice! I never thought about the milk. He doesn't have milk between meals, but he drinks it with his meal and tends to drain his cup and then start in on his food. He's probably filling his belly with milk so that he's not hungry enough to eat. Maybe I'll try milk in between meals instead and give him water at dinner. I think I'll also start saving his food and having him eat it at the next meal. It just always reminds me of a story my grandmother tells of when my aunt wouldn't eat her lima beans. She had those beans in front of her for 3 straight meals before she finally ate them...I'd hate to get into that type of a fight with him, but I don't think he's THAT stubborn

Great ideas, Mikki. (I'm trying hard not to laugh about Morgan's toast issue!)

I completely understand what you mean about not wanting to waste food, Elise. What Mikki said about milk filling up a child's stomach is very true. My 4-year-old loves chocolate milk, but I have to make sure to only allow him to have it at breakfast and then only AFTER he eats his food. Otherwise, he won't eat hardly anything.

If cutting down on milk doesn't work for you, I have a couple suggestions. First I'd like to ask if your son is closer to three or closer to four.

If he's going on four, I would personally expect him to eat a proper amount of food at meals. We've been through the I'm-finished-after-eating-only-three-bites issues too, and it took a bit of work to get out of that habit and teach better eating behavior. I put my foot down one day and told my son that he had to eat the food we were having for dinner and he couldn't leave the table until he did. (He LIKED the food we were having that night, which is a key. I certainly wouldn't serve brussel sprouts and fried grasshoppers and then demand that the kids eat every bite.) The first night was really bad. James, dear sweet James, sat there and shouted and hollered and cried for probably an hour. The rest of us ate and then went into the living room (right next to the kitchen). He really got mad then and said he couldn't possibly eat if he was all alone. I let him pull his chair over to the doorway, and eventually he ate the food. We've never had such a bad time with it again. Usually now, I just have to tell him that he has to eat or he can't leave the table, and he eats. Please keep in mind that I give him small child-sized portions, enough to provide the nutrition and energy he needs. If he wants more, he can ask for more.

On the other hand, if your child has very recently turned three, I probably would not take that approach just yet. (It depends on his maturity level, of course.) If he is eating just a couple bites, I would save the amount that's left over (provided it can be saved..) and give it back to him when he wanted a snack. Peanut butter sandwiches are great for this. You can even leave them on the table for a couple hours (lay a towel or napkin over them) without worrying about bacteria like you do in meat. When he says he's hungry, tell him, "Your sandwich is still on the table. You may eat that." If he doesn't want to, too bad. The food is there, and you are not starving him. He's making his own choice to be hungry at that point. Basically any bread type food can be left on the table like that: pancakes, biscuits, etc. Remember to put any meat or dairy products back in the fridge though. Even they can be taken back out and given to him for his "snack." This way, you're not wasting the food.

I'd also like to say that snacking itself is completely acceptable at this age...at any age really, if the snacks are chosen carefully. Kids have small tummies and need to fill them more often. If you haven't read it yet, check out my article on healthy snacks for toddlers. http://www.uniqueparenting.com/healthy-toddler-snacks.html

I hope this helps and that you find a workable solution!

I remember going through this exactly when Morgan was almost 3.  At that time she was still drinking a lot of milk (it was a favorite drink for her and she always had a cup of milk in hand!) and my husband suggested that was why she was only eating two or three bites and then asking for food 20 minutes later.  We started cutting out her milk and this didn't seem to make things any easier.  She ate the same small bites at meal time and begged for snacks in between.  I believe what I did next was a HUGE mistake and am sharing it to discourage you from taking this same road.

I wanted to be sure that Morgan was receiving enough nutrition at meals and was willing to do the necessary tasks to accomplish it.  I let her walk away from the plate and simply gave her snacks in between so she would be hungry (and she heard me use the reasoning to other people and pulls that card still today)  When she wouldn't eat the mashed potatoes on her plate I would offer to get her noodles (remember she is barely 3 so this was simple enough).  After a few weeks this actually worked!  Substituting her portions had her eating at meal time and I was pleased.  I am sure you can guess where this goes from here 

Morgan is now 7 years old and she won't eat anything we have for dinner.  She comes in the kitchen and says, "mom what's for dinner."  I don't care what my answer is she will respond with I don't like it.  She expects a substitution and boy does she play the guilt trip when mom says, "tough you're going to eat it."  Looking back I know my mistake was when she was 3 and my efforts to get her to eat.

Toddlers seem to get enough nutrition to grow healthy as long as we provide it.  Their metabolism is on a whirlwind of change through these years and the appetite goes up and down unexpectedly.  I think the best solution is to keep healthy snacks available for those in between "meals" that Aiden isn't eating, (keep them small though so he stays a little hungry.  You don't want him to think he gets special meal time!) Prepare smaller portions while he is adjusting to this new balance of activity and meal time so you aren't wasting as much food and remember that as he grows he will go through these types of changes.  Stay consistent in your expectation of him to eat his meals with mom and dad and before you know it he will be back to his old eating habits in not time.

I know Cindy has some excellent suggestions for healthy toddler snacks that are quick and easy for us parents that don't want to develop an unhealthy eating habit in our children or that we will beckon to them at their request LOL.  If I had it to do over again I certainly would not have gone as far as I did with the substitutions.  Then it was no big deal to prepare a special plate, now it's not so simple and she has come to expect it.  Unfortunately her eating "habit" makes life difficult for those who come in the home and try to help out, like grandma because they don't know Morgan wont eat her toast unless one half is butter and the other half is jelly!

I just wanted to share to let you see what you don't want to do and maybe offer a tip on something you do want to try.  Hope this helps

Mikki Hogan Publisher of UniqueParenting.com