Two Under Two
As I prepare to welcome m new baby in to our family I am starting to get a little terrified of what is to come. My son will be 20 months when my little girl is born. There are many questions funning through my mind?
How can I help him embrace her?
Will I need to be paranoid about her safety around him? Will he be violent toward her even though he has never shown any signs of violence?
What will I do with him while I'm nursing her?
How can I make him feel loved and special while still getting to know and enjoy my baby girl?
The questions go on and on. I'm sure this is normal for most moms when having a 2nd child. To those of you with more than one child...what has your experience been like? Any tips?
Debra
Syndicate
AddThis
Oh Debra I do hope you get to read this post before having the baby or very soon after! Here's an old piece of wisdom that will stand the test of time in regards to helping your little guy joyfully embrace his new sister. In fact I think the following are invaluable to ensuring a healthy bond and eliminating jealousy, but that's just me :)
The moment you bring her home let him hold her if you haven't done so already. One mistake many parents make is not letting the older sibling hold the baby because she is too young, or he is too young, or she is sleeping, or mommy is doing it. These comments lead to jealousy and resentment. He won't understand why mommy and daddy are so thrilled with baby and he can't hold her.
Number 2, when he wants to kiss her let him! Even if you're nursing. I witness so many moms push their two year olds back because "they might hurt the baby" and then watch that enthusiastic smile fade to sadness. Babies naturally love babies and they want to show it!
When he wants to love his sister always of course remind him to be easy. You can tell him things like his sister can get hurt easy so we move her softly but try to avoid saying HE might hurt her. When he is leaning over and giving attention you can place your hand on the top of her head to cushion any accidental bumps with the knees or elbows and if that occurs gently point out her head is there and to careful.
Keep in mind that hard kisses won't actually hurt her so you can calmly remind him to kiss or hug easy. Each time he holds her remind him only when mommy or daddy is here (that way he will be discouraged from picking her up alone!)
Number 3, as messy as it might be let him participate in caring for his sister, like changing her diaper, giving her a bath, covering her up, reading a book, singing a song. All of these help him to enjoy baby as much as mommy and keep him in your attention as well, helping to eliminate the "mommy doesn't love me anymore" when new babies come home.
Having a newborn is going to demand a lot of time, as you remember, and with a toddler as well you are going to find yourself possibly more exhausted when she naps. Having Joa a natural part of your daily care with the baby will reduce the drain on you for dividing attention.
If he can love her and doesn't hear mommy and daddy constantly telling him he might hurt sissy he will enjoy her. Enjoying her is what prevents violence and resentment. Again I hope you get this soon and my apologies for being so absent lately and not seeing this sooner!!!