Temper Tantrums: Taming and Training Your Toddlers Anger

Temper tantrums. I doubt there is a child alive who hasn't had at least one of these. Parents everywhere are all too familiar with the sound of a tantrum. Usually, they begin around 18 months and can continue through age four. Depending on a child's disposition, they can sometimes begin even earlier and continue, in more subtle forms, through the elementary and teen years.

They sometimes go by the more politically correct name of meltdown these days. This new term tries to place all responsibility upon external circumstances. "The grocery store is such a big, noisy place. Johnny's senses get overloaded and he can't handle another moment of stimulation, so he has a meltdown."

The more traditional term "temper tantrum" places the responsibility squarely where it belongs. A tantrum is, according to Webster's Dictionary, "a fit of bad temper." We all know what temper means. So what causes a temper tantrum or 'meltdown'? Are you ready for this? Anger.

If you think differently, you've either never been around a child or you live in an extreme state of denial. Just like adults, toddlers do not like to be contradicted. Try to hold your two-year-old's hand in a parking lot. What happens? He tries to pull away. If you force him to hold on (and I hope you do!), he sometimes screams about it. Why? He doesn't want to hold your hand, and he's angry that you are making him.

Effective Ways To Stop Temper Tantrums

Opinions on how to handle tantrums are as varied as eye color. Different approaches work with different children, and probably not one single approach would work for every child on the planet. The key to stopping a tantrum in its tracks and preventing future outbursts is to find what works for your child and use it consistently. Here are some methods of tantrum busting that I have heard through the years.

Ignore the behavior

Some children are motivated to throw a fit because they want extra attention (even if it is negative attention) or perhaps they scream and cry to get parents to buy a certain toy or let them have a treat. If you've ever relented to a squalling child, unfortunately you've rewarded the bad behavior and encouraged a future episode.

If, for example, you've bought a toy at the dollar store because you were embarrassed when Little Suzie started to holler and cry in front of the other customers. In that case, perhaps ignoring the tantrum the next time would be the best option.

More aggressive tantrums may require spanking

It seems that ignoring and spanking are the two most common approaches parents take to any behavior. In the case of a temper tantrum habit, in which a child has begun to throw tantrums over everything because Mommy and Daddy have been ignoring the behavior, a spanking may be an effective option.

Have you noticed that your toddler has been throwing daily tantrums over the least little issue? Perhaps you gave Ricky a blue cup with his lunch, and he desperately wanted the green cup so he spent the next 20 minutes in the floor screaming. Did a similar situation happen yesterday and the day before?

If you can look back over the last few weeks and see that you haven't done much to curb this fit-throwing habit, the solution may lie in a spanking. Next time your child throws a temper tantrum, pick him up and carry him into another room. Look him in the eye. Using simple language, explain that the behavior is not acceptable. "Ricky, when you want the green cup, you will not scream and throw a fit. Mommy will not allow you to act this way." Tell him that you're going to spank him for the behavior and then give him one or two swats . For some children, especially for ages two to three, this can be very effective. The memory of this momentary pain will help him remember nicer behavior next time.

Diffuse the situation with laughter.

Especially with very young toddlers, around 12-24 months, laughter can stop a temper tantrum. When you see the tantrum beginning, tickle your little one or begin to stomp your feet and cry along with her. This usually invites the toddler to laugh instead of having a fit. As your child grows older, however, this response can easily turn into a reward for the bad behavior, and you'll need to find another way to handle it.

Use the corner to stop outbursts

The moment a temper tantrum begins, take your child to the corner. Stay in the same room so that you can make sure he doesn't leave. Insist that he stand there until he stops screaming, crying, or talking at all. Once he's finally quiet, wait several more minutes before allowing him to leave the corner. Hug him, tell him you're so happy he stood there quietly, and remind him that throwing a fit is not an acceptable behavior.

I can't speak for all children in the world, but this method has had resounding success in my family. One of my children is very 'strong-willed.' When he was around three years old, he went through a stage lasting 9-12 months during which he threw frequent temper tantrums. He became quite skilled at it. Ignoring and spanking were completely ineffective with him. He would just scream louder and louder. I was truly reaching my wit's end!

I finally found what has been the simplest solution. When he begins to scream and have a tantrum, I walk him to the corner. Any corner will do. If I'm in the living room, he goes into the living room corner. If I'm in the kitchen, he goes into the kitchen corner. He must face the corner until he stops yelling, until he stops talking at all. I wait until he stands there quietly anywhere from five to 15 minutes. If he asks, "Can I come out?" he has to stand there longer.

The first time I tried this, it took a very long time for him to stop screaming and crying. He was nearly hysterical, and I was standing across the room crying too. It really hurt me inside to see him so upset, but I knew that I had to see it through to the end. Once he finally calmed down and stood there quietly, I told him to come out and I held him for a long time. The next day he began to throw another fit, and I walked him to the corner. This time, he hollered for about two minutes and then stood quietly. The day after that, he didn't holler at all. He just stood patiently until I said he could move.

It was truly amazing to see the quick results! His tantrums went from three or four times a day to once a week and then once a month. I must share a funny story about our standing in the corner success;

One night, we were all eating dinner together and my son, age three at the time, did not want to eat his food. My husband told him, This is what Mommy fixed. You can eat it. My son began to scream, I DON'T WANT THIS FOOD! I DON'T LIKE IT! Before my husband or I could say a word, he stood up from his chair, walked to the corner, and stood there silently for about 30 seconds. Then he turned around and said, "I'll behave now." He sat back down at the table and ate every bite of his food. I had to leave the room, I was laughing so hard!

Standing him in the corner not only had the immediate effect of curbing his tantrums but also helped him develop an independent means of controlling his anger.