Teen Sexuality, Where Should Parents Draw the Line?

As you lie in the hospital bed gleaming down at the peaceful sleeping baby in your arms you know instantly that every moment of your life has led up to this point. You know instantly that every moment yet to come will be devoted to the best interest of that child and you follow through, day after day. So what then do you do when the best interest of your child becomes challenged?

No parent knows exactly when or how outside influences will begin to entice their child to explore options outside the family belief system, but every parent knows it WILL happen. But what if those options not only violate your families beliefs, but also open the door to risky consequences? What if those options involve exploration of sexuality with the opposite sex and you have just become an army of one fighting for your child's soul?

I recently found myself in that exact position when I discovered my teen daughter had agreed to send elicit photos across the internet to her boyfriend. As any parent in this position I became overwhelmed with emotions from every end of the spectrum and back again. The rage, blame, disappointment, fear, and uncertainty hung over my head like a storm cloud. Inside these emotions one belief stood firm, I am fighting for the soul of my child.

While urgency was ringing through my head so was the need to think rationally and be prepared for a battle that was definitely going to be unpleasant. This preparation involved a delicate blend of recognizing her emotions and motivations as well as my own, evaluating his mother's position on this issue, discussing natural and unnatural consequences and finding support for myself and my daughter.

The first step I took was to take some time to myself, think over what my daughter had shared and seriously explore how that made me feel. The second step was to discuss this with her boyfriends mom giving her the opportunity to step in with her son if she felt the need to do so and so she would understand why I was ending the relationship between these two. Her response took me off guard.

I received a lengthy email explaining why she knew this type of behavior was something I should tolerate and not punish. She further expressed that teens were going to explore their sexuality and she would rather it be done with someone they really cared about and offering a final thought that this won't necessarily lead to having sex and getting pregnant. That brings the question; where do we draw the line? What are we aiming to teach our children when it comes to morals and expectations of how they present themselves?

If our teens are given permission to flaunt their bodies to the opposite sex how can we expect them to sustain from having it? While each parent choose what they believe is in the best interest of their child this is one I firmly believe should never be compromised. Here's how I handled the situation:

• Listened silently as my daughter disclosed the information she chose to disclose, reserving all questions and comments until a later time.
• Contacted my pastor for guidance and support knowing he shared our values and expectations of teens
• Prayed for two days
• Sat my daughter down and attempted to help her understand how her actions have led to me stepping in and ending this relationship
• Laid out my expectations very clearly to her, email is closed, he is removed from social networks, no phone, letter, or email contact.
• Clearly defined the consequences if she failed to comply
• Prayed

In our home elicit behavior is a compromise on our moral standards. We expect our children to share that same belief as they grow into adulthood. How could we expect that we let our guards down and look on this as "normal" teen behavior we should tolerate?