Teaching Obedience To Preschoolers - Why It Matters

Often, parents fail to realize how far from the Biblical model of teaching obedience they have strayed until the preschool years hit. Around ages three and four, children can become more determined to go their own way and make their own decisions. Yes, it is the natural budding of independence on the path toward adulthood. Developing independence, however, is best done within the context of a parent's guidance.

Teaching Obedience To Preschoolers For The First Time

With preschoolers who are newly expected to obey after being given almost complete freedom in the toddler years, the path toward obedience is not always a simple one. It takes work. It takes determination. It takes a willingness to be with your children nearly every waking moment. As parents teaching our children to be obedient, we must watch them. A child cannot be taught to obey if he is playing in his bedroom and Mother is in the kitchen. It simply will not work!

The first step in teaching obedience to preschoolers is for mothers and fathers to commit to monitoring their children closely. Once you've taught your children to follow your instructions, you can begin to loosen the reins and give them freedom away from you. Preschoolers love to be involved in adult activities, such as cooking, cleaning house, and gardening. By keeping your child nearby, you can not only teach him to be helpful (which will prevent some naughtiness all by itself) but you will also find ample opportunity to instruct him in proper behavior and require his obedience.

Simple Ways For Teaching Obedience

Start with simple things, such as, "Will you bring me a towel?" Or "This milk needs stirred into the batter. Stir slowly and carefully, please." If your son or daughter doesn't respond to your request (as in ignoring the request for a towel or stirring the batter roughly instead of slowly and carefully), it's best if you repeat yourself in these early stages of learning to obey. In the case of the batter, you could gently take hold of the child's hand and demonstrate stirring carefully. Then give him another chance. If he persists in stirring roughly, have him sit in a chair and watch without any opportunities to help for a while. Explain that he can't be a good helper if he won't obey.

Let me interject here that it's important to always face our children and look at them when we speak. I find myself turning away, maybe to get something out of a cabinet, while I ask one of the children to do something for me. I can't honestly blame them for not following through when they probably couldn't hear what I said anyway. If you're making a command/request, speak clearly and look at your child. Let's give our children the same respect we desire from our spouses, friends, and co-workers.

Appropriate Discipline

Of course, some disobedience is more serious than stirring batter roughly, and such occasions must be dealt with accordingly. For instance, you probably have house rules against hitting and lying. Almost all preschoolers are guilty of hitting at one time or another, and I feel certain that each and every one is guilty of lying from time to time. Once you and your spouse decide to no longer tolerate disobedience (which includes breaking house rules), consistency is super-important. You'll have to decide together what punishment you feel is appropriate for breaking these rules. Then each time you see your child doing one of these things, the punishment must follow.

Since I believe that all good behavior begins with obedience, I think that "Children, obey your parents" should be a house rule for every family. If you ask your child to go get his shoes because it's nearly time to go, and he goes into his room to play instead, he has broken the house rule and broken God's rule of obedience. Even though this seems minor (after all, you can get his shoes yourself and put them on his feet, right? And he is only three), it's one of the small building blocks that will eventually build a house of obedient behavior. By overlooking one small thing, hundreds of other things crop up until you feel that you've lost total control of your children.

Teaching obedience to preschoolers requires your commitment

The first few days and weeks will be the most difficult. It may seem that your child is naughtier than ever, testing your authority at every turn. In fact, he probably is! Children will undoubtedly test their limits, and a child who has been given very few limits and then suddenly finds himself being fenced in will crash against the fence to see how strong it really is.

Be consistent with the consequences of disobedience, and you will soon see pleasant results. Soon your children will be living examples of Proverbs 25:12. "As an earring of gold, and an ornament of fine gold, so is a wise reprover upon an obedient ear."