Parenting Today

by James Lehman, MSW

Are you facing the new school year with dread because you have an unmotivated or underachieving teen or pre-teen? Is your child’s answer to everything, “I don’t care” or “It doesn’t matter?” In Part I of this two-part series, James Lehman, MSW explains why your child does have motivation—and how you can coach them to better behavior.

Nowadays, children behave differently than they did many years ago. This is why new ways of rearing a child are constantly being discovered. Child rearing method for every child is different. As a parent, this is something you should acknowledge. You have to be able to guide your child in every aspect of his life so that he may become a good person someday. In order to raise your child well, you need to know how to do it the modern way.

Most families rely heavily on TV ratings when it comes to appropriate programs for their children to watch. They trust that “kids” channels will broadcast limited to no violent content and rarely feel a need to monitor those programs. According to a study published in March of 2009 TV ratings don’t accurately reflect aggressive content leaving your child viewing interactions you may otherwise disprove of.

Researchers Kevin Kieffer, assistant professor of psychology at Saint Leo University in San Antonio FL and Jessica Nicoll, also of Saint Leo University conducted the first large scale review of multiple studies on video game violence and aggression in children. They found that violent games with protagonists that hunt, maim and kill are linked to at least short-term aggression behaviors in children.

The total time the average kid spends on the computer has increased 22% since 2003 with 25% or our children spending 3 or more hours on the computer a day. This time is spent playing games and interacting with online social groups in the absence of a parent. More and more parents are recognizing the need to monitor their children's time online AND their leisure time offline. Where can parents turn to find their solution?

"Mom, I have to show you something.  Please don't be mad, but look."

These were the words coming out of my 15yr old daughters mouth after she had built the courage up to tell me she had broken a house rule and created a MySpace account while staying at a friend's house.

She had been asking for an account for several weeks prior to this moment in an effort to be connected to her peer group.  Among other things MySpace has a notorious reputation for questionable solicited ads and not so appropriate interactions.  My position was a firm no.

The claim that violent video games can have a harmful effect on our children is nothing new. For years parents and psychologists have stressed the need to censor games and limit how much time our children spend playing them. One question that many parents have is HOW games effect our children and to what extent.

With the rising number of children being diagnosed with ADD many parents are faced with a difficult decision. Should I medicate my child or not? Factors you may use are how well your child is performing in school and complying with rules. What if you were informed that ADD wasn't really a disease at all or for that matter not even proven to be something physical or biological? Would you still medicate for something that doesn't exist?

I have 2 kids at home, a 16 year old daughter and a 9 year old boy and I am having real trouble setting limits on computer use. For my daughter she wants to constantly be on the instant message boards chatting with her friends. For my son it's games, games, and more games.

They fight over who gets on (we only own one computer) and both refuse to get off for the other one. I personally think they spend way to much time on there and have attempted to establish time limits.

Have you ever found yourself face to face with your child, both of you are angry and your child blatantly refuses to back down unless they have their way?

No parent likes being in that position, especially when it becomes a regular habit. As parents we set rules for our children for their safety, to teach them responsibility and as a guide towards responsible adult choices.