Stay at home mom or dad?

That is an amazing story and unfortunate for the boy. My husband is one as well who has always been supportive of my role at home. He still strives to be in a position to stay home with us, not that he wouldn't be working but that he could work from home and really watch his kids grow. When the kids were babies it was common practice to see him lying on the floor and wondering what the world looked like to him. When they cried he was right up front comforting and holding them. I sometimes felt a bit intimidated that he seemed so natural holding them when I was still unsure of handling a crying baby!

Not that I wasn't good at it, he just never needed suggestions on how to tend to their needs. I'm sure a lot of that stemmed from him being a single father for so many years that he has learned to listen to them from a different angle. He still has the tough it out perspective and let them face their fears, but he seems to apply this to older kids and just naturally nurtures his kids. He always said if I could make enough money he would love to be the stay at home dad, and I think he would do a fantastic job. Thankfully though my husband has a strong understanding of God's intentions for each members role in the family and respects God's position on that as well. My husband has taught me a lot in that regard and I am grateful for it.

If my husband and I are ever able to obtain that dream of him working from home raising our children together one thing is certain, and that will be a definite role for each of us. We naturally are better at different things in the family, me raising and education our children is very strong in me, and he has a knack for budget and spending wisely that I seem to lack. I believe God intended it to be that way though and am grateful to have a guide in that sense to help our family be strong together.

Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com

I have a wonderful husband who, quite honestly, helps out more than he should have to around the house. He's so supportive of me! At first he used to say that he wished he could stay home with Aiden and I, (note the "and I"--he doesn't want to be a stay-at-home dad) but anytime that he has spent sitting at home with us during the day usually ends up with him feeling stir-crazy. It didn't hurt things that Aiden was extremely colicky and trying. I used to call Mike, more days than not, sobbing on the phone that Aiden was screaming and I just didn't know what to do with him anymore. I think he was glad to be at work on those days! Tongue And it's true that women are naturally inclined to stay at home. He does not have the same amount of patience that I have with Aiden, but then he's a much better floor wrestler than I am! We definitely compliment each other and fill different needs for our son.

That said, I did know one man who stayed at home with his son. His wife was college educated and he was not. Since she made more money than he did, he ended up staying home. He was a neighbor of ours, and we would take walks with the kids some afternoons. I always felt bad for him in a way because there isn't much of a social network for stay-at-home dads. And frankly, I think the child's mother would have been a more natural nurturer because dad put on A LOT of T.V. and didn't seem to know what to do with his son. Not that he didn't love him, he just didn't really know how to handle a baby. He'd try to make him "tough it out" instead of being nurturing. The family moved to TX about 2 years ago and they've since sent him to daycare because dad was tired of staying at home. Dad is working now. It seems a much better fit for the family, but I did feel badly for the little boy who was raised at home with a parent and then thrust into daycare full-time.

~Elsie

I totally understand what you're talking about! I've stayed at home with the boys since they were born. There were quite a few days when they were babies/toddlers that my husband would come home complaining about work. I would ask him if he wanted to trade roles. That's all it took for him to realize going to work wasn't so bard! Being home with two little ones, trapped in the house all day if it was nasty out, trying to occupy them for hours at a time--he realized just what hard work it really is!

Now, don't get me wrong. He loves the boys and he's great with them. But he would just never be able to be home with them all day, every day. I think most men aren't cut out for it. It doesn't make one better over another--just ready for different roles.

I do believe there are some men who really do take to the nurturing role and are great stay-at-home dads. But I think they're the exception and not the rule!

Cheryl

I agree with you 100%, JaMae. I definitely notice a difference between Mom's "tolerance" and patience with the kids compared to Dad's.

Whether anyone likes to admit it or not, babies and toddlers also prefer Mom over Dad. Breastfeeding babies are naturally more inclined toward Mom, but even babies who never nurse or who have stopped nursing still show a strong preference for Mom. That starts to change around age 2-3. It doesn't mean that babies don't love their Daddies! They just like Mommy better. Smiley

I believe that God has designed the mother and father roles in the family. Titus chapter 2, verse 5 instructs young women to be "keepers at home" but it gives no such command to men. I Timothy 5:14 says, "I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully." Again, women are told to guide the house.

I'm grateful that I've been able to stay home and care for my family since first getting married. It is truly a blessing from God and one that I hope I never take for granted!