Sleep with a newborn

See, I have no problem sleeping alone. I'm usually the one to move down the hall during the night since I'm a light sleeper and my husband snores loudly some nights. It doesn't happen every night, and when we first married I didn't want to ever sleep alone...but anymore, I'd prefer my sleep over a night tossing and turning and not-so-lovingly tapping my husband to tell him (once again) that he's snoring...LOL

I've looked at the Arms Reach co-sleeper though...it looks too short for our bed, unless there's a way to adjust the height. I think we may just put the bassinet pack n' play right next to our bed since that's a bit higher. Dh will definitely have to chip in more this time. He did do a lot with Aiden when he was a baby...just no nighttime duties. This time I'm not going to be as nice about nighttime duties--although I don't think he'll complain one bit. He's not much of a complainer. He probably would have done more with Aiden during the night if I'd let him...

I agree with Debra - my husband was great with all our newborns. He would lay with them while I slept (I strictly breastfed so he couldn't help feed while they were little). He always said that mom needed to be more rested to properly care for the kids than he needed to be to go to work.

When he would get home he took over care of the little ones so I could take a quick shower, nap or whatever I needed to freshen myself up after a day with the baby and on nights when they were exceptionaly fussy he would take them in the other room so I could get a little more sleep.

We used to insist that the other needed more sleep, I would say he doesn't want to be sleepy at work, and he would say I needed to be awake and have enough energy to care for the kids. He always won.

I am grateful for my husband too. Having newborns makes everyone in the house a little more sleepy and it is awesome when daddy eagerly jumps in to help.

Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com

God bless my husband. I was never sympathetic about his sleep. I have a friend who slept on the floor in her baby's room because she didn't want him to wake up her husband, who is a light sleeper. I never understood that.

So they go to work and we stay home, we both need our sleep!!!! When Joa woke up and he was not in our room, Eric always got up to get him. Even if it was to bring him to me so that I could nurse him. To this day, if baby wakes up 5am ish (due to teething, late bedtime, tummy ache, etc) Hubby is the one who tends to him.

Don't feel bad. A baby changes everything; including the type of sleep you get before a day of work. A positive way to look at it is to think of it as more bonding for daddy. We carry the baby, nurse, play all day, feed, change, etc... We have plenty of opportunities to bond with the baby. The way I see it, both parents need to get down and dirty with all the baby duties. It's not that I'm heartless. If you ask my husband he will tell you that he is delighted to do what he does for the baby. Well, maybe not delighted, but he doesn't mind . The sacrifice helps him feel more like a dad.

Eric is different, though. He made it clear when we got married that we were never spending the night on separate beds (unless one is out of town, of course). He announced to me that "I did not get married to sleep alone." One night early in our marriage I was upset so I waited for him to fall asleep then I went to lay down on the office couch. In a few hours, as soon as he realized I was gone, he came and carried me back to bed. He wasn't kidding! I love my husband, he's very in touch with his sensitive side.

When Joa was born, he was two weeks old before I changed the first diaper. Eric changed every single diaper those first two weeks. I have another friend whose hubby never chages a diaper. "It's just not his thing."

Debra

Ah...we have a king, so there is plenty of room...but I have a big, cozy down duvet cover that we sleep under which concerns me when it comes to bringing the baby to bed--I love the Arms Reach co-sleeper. And hubby is worried he won't be able to sleep with the baby continually waking, but we've decided he can always go down to our guest room and sleep in there. Last time I was much more sympathetic towards his sleeping needs since he had to work the next day and I was able to nap with the baby...This time I'll be up with Aiden, so I'm not as sympathetic

First of all, Elsie, your baby is here. Allow yourself to enjoy this gift. Draw on your faith to eliminate the fear that has understandably risen from past experiences. Your baby has life and purpose. Everything will work out for your benefit.

I am looking forward to having this baby in July. I had Joa in November and by 2 weeks he already had RSV infection. Through prayer, humidifiers, saline and suctioning, we were able to naturally nurse him back to health avoiding asthma. But I know of other children at my DRs practice who weren't so lucky. Hopefully by flu season, baby #2 will be strong enough to fight disease a little better.

As for co-sleeping, there are many different ways to do it. The tools used and the lengths of time vary in every case. Eric and I co-slept with Joa on and off only 2-3 months. We didn't do it every night. Most nights he started off on the bassinet and we brought him to bed after the first feeding. By 3 months he was in his own crib. We "co-slept" with him after he woke up for his 3 or 5am feeding. Most nights we used a positioner. Sometimes my hubby held him on his chest. (I was crazy worried, but Eric reassured me that he would be ok) Other days we placed him on the boppy pillow (I know, the pillow itself warns against this). Our sleep was light and tight as we only have a queen sized bed. But like mentioned earlier, you do anything for some sleep. Like Mikki, I felt safer and slept better knowing the my baby was right there with me. I will definitely do it again with my next child, hopefully we will get a bigger bed, though. LOL

JaMae-I agree...summer is better to have a baby. I have a friend with a brand new baby and she's so worried about her getting sick with everything going around. Big brother has been slobbering on her as well and he has a cold. That would be nerve-wracking. I loved having Aiden at the end of May. He was so colicky, and there were many nights where we took a walk at 10pm just because he didn't scream as much outside--and the outdoors diluted how loud he was. It was nice to have the luxury of those walks...even at 10pm. In the winter that would never happen.

co-sleeping. I've found a co-sleeper recommended by Dr. Sears...It's pretty much a 3-sided bassinet that rolls right to the side of the bed. I think that's what I'm going to try. I definitely don't want the baby between us because hubby is worried he'll roll on it and I know I'd never sleep I'd be so afraid I'd roll over on the baby.

Oh, and we heard the h/b on Friday. Such a reassuring sound! I didn't know they could hear it at 10 weeks, but she found it. It's the first time I think I've teared up over this baby. I think I'm still pretty cautious. People kept telling us congratulations, but I kept wanting to tell them to wait until the baby was here before issuing their congratulations. I don't know that it will sink in until the baby is in my arms.

I live in West Virginia, but it seems here that July is only the tip of summer, when you near the end and all through August it is absolutely miserable for the pregnant mommy. I was thinking for the baby really. I had my little one in October and her first few months of life she was all wrapped up all the time. Didn't look real comfy to me and I hated going anywhere cause their was always rain, cold wind something unpleasant when taking a baby.

July has such nice whether, and even with August getting hot I think it is better to put you little one in a nice light jumpy than a bulky sleeper and coat! Some moms hate summer cause they thing the baby is too hot, but that is easily fixed with a nice damp rub down.

Yes, co-sleeping is a parental preference for many different reasons. I found I slept better with my kids in our bed. I knew they were safe and I would wake if they needed with me. With Aaron this was extremely important. If we hadn't already be practicing co-sleeping we would have started with him. The only other alternative would have been to set an alarm to wake and check him and when feeding on demand, this just isn't practical. Aaron didn't cry! He simply never cried, not for hunger, discomfort, anything. He would wake up and move his little hands around and kick his little feet, but no crying, no sad face. We just did what we thought it was time for!

At the time I remember thinking, "Boy I am good at this, I wake on demand!" But as he developed I learned this was potentially something else. It didn't matter much to us but we definitely would have started co-sleeping for him, otherwise their would be no clue to wake us.

As for getting them out of our bed, each of my kids just naturally started preferring their own be ranging between ages 2-4. Aaron is 10 and still sometimes asks to sleep in bed with mom and dad, this is very rare, but sometimes he has a tough day and I think he just wants that extra comfort, he doesn't stay long though, getting too big for that. The only set back I see to co-sleeping beyond 2 years is that risk of them too easily returning to your bed. Morgan was finally sleeping in her own bed consistently at 4 years, and now over the past two years she can't sleep alone, needs to hold your hand and the whole nine yards. the good news is it doesn't have to be mom and dads bed all the time, her sisters will do fine some times. We know this is due to her rapid development of multiple phobias, poor child. We are working on it still.

Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com

I love my boys more than anything in the world, but the idea of co-sleeping was just SOOO not for me! I love snuggle time, but I also love sleep time. With a baby between us, I was awake almost all night, worrying something would happen. I also don't know how such a little baby can take up so much room in bed!! Both boys slept in a bassinet in our room for the first couple months, then they were transferred to cribs in their own rooms. Aidan was fine with this. Eli, not so much.

We ended up with him in our bed on and off through the first year. I always swore I wouldn't do it, but at 2am when the baby is screaming and you're exhuasted, you'll do just about anything for a couple hours sleep! We ended up bringing him into our bed many nights just so we could all get some sleep.

But that was also another one of those habits that broke easily when we finally decided to do it. We steeled ourselves to let him cry it out in his bed (something I had mixed emotions about, but didn't know what else to do at the time!). When we finally decided this was the night to start, he cried for all of 2 minutes, went to sleep, and never came back into our bed!

Of course, if either boy was scared, had a nightmare, or was sick and needed comforting they'd come in with us, or one of us would even go and stay in their room. But as a routine, it just wasn't for us.

Co sleeping...we were going to do it until hubby had to go back to work. The first night I tried to put him in his cradle, but he woke up every time (I hadn't discovered the art of swaddling yet) so I ended up holding him the whole night. At 2am Mike woke up to find me quietly crying in the chair in our room because I was so exhausted and afraid that I'd never sleep again. The second night we brought him into bed with us and I didn't sleep the whole night because we have a huge down comforter and I was worried it would smother him. By the third night I gave up and put him in his room and I was finally able to get snatches of sleep between nursing--even if it was 30 minutes or so. That convinced me that co-sleeping wouldn't work for me. I think things will be a bit smoother this time around since I've been through it and learned some tricks...like swaddling. I'd also love to get a co-sleeper in order to co-sleep, at least through the first 3 or 4 months. I think before my chief concern (besides smothering the baby) was the fact that my poor hubby would be working and I was worried that a crying baby would wake him up and make him exhausted at work. I don't worry about that anymore now that I know how easily he sleeps through Aiden in the middle of the night :Smiley. Stinker!

Mikki-you've addressed one of my chief concerns with sleep. Besides the obvious melting that happened with Aiden when he didn't take a good nap and the snowball effect of one bad sleep turning into even shorter naps and longer bouts of crying, I was worried about his ability to learn. Sleep is so important for the brain to process the many things a child has learned during his awake period. Because of this, his sleep became my full-time job for the first year of his life. I had it down to a science. Bedtime routine, ocean waves playing in the background, swaddling (until he learned to flip himself onto his face while swaddled at just 4 months old!), the musical aquarium playing...And if a truck drove by outside and woke him up, or the dog barked...my day was ruined because I knew he'd be crying all evening. I worried that he wouldn't be able to learn well if he didn't learn to sleep well. I think some kids and people are built to function on little or no sleep. A baby who goes with little sleep, but doesn't seem cranky or ill-tempered is probably all right...My child's behavior directly reflected the amount of sleep he got. The correlation isn't so obvious anymore. He is able to be stretched these days...and my rigidness over his naps and sleep has disappeared with it...but for awhile there, certain relatives did not understand why I was just about in tears when they were trying to keep him up and convince me that I needed to put him to bed later...Some people think that the less sleep a child gets, the longer he'll sleep when it happens. That wasn't the case with my child...Trust me, I'd have loved to find a way to get him to sleep until 8am! Even now, we're lucky if he doesn't wake up until 7am...even if he doesn't go to bed until nearly midnight! But I have faced the sleep battles and come out with a new battle plan...Watch, the next baby will be an awesome sleeper and a finicky eater...And I'll have to learn how to parent brand new issues!

That's crazy that Morgan started sleeping through on the trip to WV. Our trips to OH always lead to much less sleep for Aiden because he won't sleep in the car and he's up and raring to go at 5am when we're in a hotel and all sleeping in the same room. The excitement just keeps him from sleeping--more of what you were expecting from Morgan on that trip. It was kind of nice pawning him off the grandparents over Thanksgiving, despite my initial reservations...They were the ones getting up at 6/6:30--and FIL complained vociferously after the 6am wake-up call. And although I didn't sleep at all the first night he slept there b/c I was so worried about him, when everything turned out alright I slept like a baby the second night!

Debra - had to smile, we co-slept with all our infants and I was the mom who very naturally rolled over and nursed while I slept. Those first few weeks can be the toughest and this is what allowed more rest. When I was sleepy I wanted to sleep (sometimes it was the only time my body would allow it!!) and this was the only way around it for us.

Elsie - I think the most frustrating part is when I want to sleep and my body wants to sleep, but it's noon and I can't!!!! My sleep has settled quite a bit over the past few months and I am loving it (still a lot less sleep than most but almost double than that of times past)

Morgan slept through the night for the very first time when we made a trip to WV and stayed with my cousin. She had never been away from home before this trip and we went from CA to WV, long, long trip. Plus she was going to stay in a house she had never been in before!

I was prepared for loooong moody nights, but the first night there she laid down beside me, fell asleep and didn't wake up until 6am!!!! I couldn't believe it. (my mom though perhaps she had been overwhelmed with stress and it caused her brain to slip away, I figure it worked so there was no guilt!)

She slept great for years. Now over the past couple of months she isn't falling asleep as well and waking earlier than usual, I'm nervous but not looking to the worst yet. Obviously I am not too concerned about the loss of sleep, but the detrimental impact on a fatigued body isn't so good and she is too little!!

Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com

Elsie,
I laughed when I read your post because I go through the exact same thing...and so does my hubby. He can fall asleep on his way to the pillow. Me, not so much.

Pumping helped us a lot. Eric just loved feeding the baby while I slept. It made him feel more connected to the baby and like some sort of hero for me Some people discourage a bottle early on because babies may prefer it to the breast, but Joa went back and forth from bottle to breast just fine. He actually stopped drinking from the bottle at 4 months old. He preferred the breast.

We also co-slept with Joa. He started on the play yard in our room. Then moved to the bed with us. We NEVER envisioned ourselves as co-sleepers but we did it and loved it (we used a positioner/barrier most nights). It was so much easier for everyone to just have him in bed with us. When he was hungry, I just rolled over and fed him. It was great.

Both co-sleeping and pumping, helped us sleep better. By 3 months Joa was sleeping in his crib in his room. Eric bottle fed him at 2am and then brought him to bed with us at 5am. I'm sure you will be fine. If not, in a few months, it'll all be history.

Debra

Jamae-Where do you live, girl?! It is humid in Virginia in July! LOL...I'm hoping that this baby will make an entrance before July 4...Especially considering that big brother was 8lbs 5 oz at 38 weeks gestation! Whew! Not planning on pushing a 9 lb baby out, if we can help it! Shocked May was my favorite month to give birth, but I'm thankful that we'll have a new gift, no matter how uncomfy it may be getting there.

Mikki-Wow. I can't imagine getting by on that little sleep, but I know some do. For me, I have a hard time falling asleep. It can take me 30 minutes to an hour to fall asleep, depending on how tired I am. Unfortunately for me, the more tired I get, the harder it is to fall asleep. My eyes can be burning and I can just be exhausted, but my mind won't stop. This is exacerbated by being up feeding a baby because I know I'll have to get up again in another hour and a half or so...so all I can do in my fatigue is think about having to get up again and worry that if I fall asleep I may sleep so deeply I won't hear the baby. I get jealous of my hubby who is out nearly as soon as his head hits the pillow!

So does Morgan still have insomnia?

Hello ladies, glad to hear you visit went well Debra. It appears that you an Elsie may be in a race for delivery

The first trimester was the most exciting for me because everything was new. I didn't mind the doctor visits so much. They were just part of the routine I guessed. I was more bothered that I had to get up and go to them more than take part in them. Once I was there I enjoyed visiting with my doctor and working out all the details.

Yea for both babies coming in July, the perfect time of year to have a new one I think. not too hot and not too cold.

I am a shameless napper. I nap when Joa naps and thensome. Sometimes if he's having trouble going down, I nap WITH him. I love my sleep and I am not looking forward to those first few months.

We had Joa doing 11pm to 5am by 4 months, then 8pm to 6am with a 10pm dream feed by 5 months, and sleeping 7pm to 7am by 6 months. That seems like a great sleep schedule to most, but in our house, that was a stretch. My husband and I could both sleep til noon. For example, today we went to a funeral at 11am, got home at 2pm and napped (all 3 of us) until 4pm when Joa woke us up.

I think that was part of our sleep training success. We didn't plan to let him cry it out but sometimes we were both so tired that it took us 5 minutes to decide who was going to get him and then for that person to actually get up and start walking to his room. By the time we were on our way, he would have put himself back to sleep

I know each child is different but I hope all my kids inherit our sleeping genes.

I do have trouble getting to sleep (too many thoughts) but once I'm down I can stay asleep for the long haul.

Debra

This is where my insomnia was a blessing.  I never slept more than 2-3 hours so I didn't really notice the sleep deprivation like other moms.  I am so sorry for you ladies.  When Morgan was an infant she had insomnia sleeping only 20 minutes about twice a day.  She did this for 2 1/2 years and we chose not to use medication.  All the moms at Aaron's school was so sympathetic for my "loss" of sleep that I actually felt guilty that I had insomnia myself.  LOL  After telling them that I didn't sleep much more than that myself they just stopped feeling so "bad" for me.  I remember joking saying, "at least I have someone to hang out with now."

Mikki Hogan Publisher of UniqueParenting.com