Raising Teenagers With Solid Values Is Easier Than You Might Think

Raising teenagers is often assumed to require "a stand back approach" in our discipline and guidance. Parents are discouraged from strict discipline and direction of their teens behavior. We live in a time where parents are encouraged to let their teens be who they are and accept them no matter what.

Accept them no matter what? So your teen comes home with her tongue pierced and purple hair. She's just expressing herself right?

Wrong!

This doesn't mean they don't consider the consequences, because in most cases they do. However if the consequence isn't "that great" then what makes them feel good wins.

This is why it is so important that your approach be firm. It should be consistent and your consequences should demand your teens attention.

It is the parents responsibility to limit what their teens are exposed to. It is the responsibility of the parent to ensure that their teens are hanging out with proper groups. It is the parents responsibility to provide positive influences in their teens lives. It is the parents responsibility to raise their teens well.

Limiting Exposure

The popular music genre for most teens is rock. It has cool guitar and awesome drums. The songs are deep and have meaning. And something about that screaming just keeps them coming back. If you choose to allow your teens to listen to this type of music I strongly encourage you to take a minute and just listen to some of the lyrics.

I was shocked when I heard what my kids thought was awesome. The songs were appalling. They were rancid with sexual innuendos and violent outbursts. These songs are preparing the minds of our children for their relationships.

Luckily not all rock bands are this bad. As a parent we need to determine the inappropriate ones and limit that exposure. I spent a few days going through my teens music inventory and filtered out the acceptable bands and firmly stated that was all they could continue to listen to. No discussion.

You need to do the same for the popular radio stations. My daughter has 3 favorite radio stations that play the music that has been approved, but the D J's have not. Some of these D J's are unacceptable. The influence these D J's have on our teens should never be taken lightly. If the music is okay and the D J's aren't, sorry that station is off limits.

The Proper Groups

This concept applies every where from the music your teens listen to, to the movies they watch, and the teen events they get to participate in. Don't just send them out there expecting them to know what they are doing.

Take teen dances as an example. Really know where your kids are going. Ask questions, show up and scope out the area. Know who is sponsoring the event and how the kids are supervised. What type of music will be played? What is acceptable dancing? Is it conducive to appropriate teen dating?

Here are a few guidelines I use when considering a teen dance:

1. Where is it being held?
2. What time of day is the dance?
3. Who is hosting it?
4. What is the theme?
5. How is it supervised?

Acceptable answers would be:

1. Locally, I can get there easily and quickly if I wanted to.
2. Early evening is fine. After 9pm is not.
3. I am hesitant on school sponsored dances because their supervision is minimal but in some instances these are okay. A local church or other organization you are familiar with would be better.
4. Hip Hop, 50's Sock Hop are both great. Well Lit open area is a must or the answer is no.
5. A minimum of 1 adult for 10 students. A 1:5 ratio is preferred, but any less than 1:10 the answer is no.

An important note here, these answers do not come from the kids. Your teens desire to go WILL determine how they answer these questions. Your teens know what you expect and will find a way to fit it in there. To eliminate that temptation I actually contact the organization hosting the dance and get the information straight from them.

Positive Influences

This may take some effort on the parents part but that should never be an excuse for neglecting this. Limiting your kids exposure and monitoring their activities are a powerful way to guide your teens away from negative behavior, but alone they are ineffective over time. At best your teen will become resentful for the constant rope you have around them. This is where laid back parenting began. It was easier to accept the teens for who they chose to be instead of actively encouraging appropriate actions.

You can provide this in a number of ways:

1. Select movies that are entertaining to watch and show teens in a productive role in the family and society. There are plenty of movies that teens truly enjoy that fit this category.
2. Be active in your community with family events like bake-fests, market night, music in the park and much more.
3. Volunteer with your kids. Select something that they are interested in, even if you're not. You're working on their character not yours.
4. Participate in teen activities through your church. If you are not a member of a church contact one in your community. Most churches would love to include your teen in their activities.
5. Include their grandparents any way you can. In our home this is a long distance relationship maintained over the phone, mail, and instant messengers. My kids stay involved with two generations of grandparents this way.
6. Bring your teens with you on social visits when family are ill or lonely. Let them help you help others.

Being a parent is a full time job. That doesn't change when you are raising teenagers. If anything your job kicks up a notch because teens are much more independent in their thinking. They will challenge you and rebel. You simply need to not allow it. Some behavior is unacceptable. Communicate that clearly.

For additional strategies on raising teenagers, family values and more click here. Your kids will thank you for it.