Looking for Help with weaning
I am the first person in my family to be successful at nursing. As a nurse, my mother witness a horrible case of mastitis which scared her away from breast feeding. She also explained to me that when I was born was around the time that formula was being developed and pushed as better than breast milk. She bottle fed us while holding us close so as to not miss out on the closeness of nursing. My Sister didn't nurse because it was too painful. She tried it, but gave up before she left the hospital.
I myself had a nightmare at the hospital, but I was completely determined. My baby was born tongue tied, a condition in which the frenelum (the little piece of skin under the tongue) is too short. He was unable to stick out his tongue, therefore, unable to latch. Since he was born on a holiday, the lactation consultant at my hospital was off. The nurses continued to pressure me because the baby wasn't eating. They got mad at me and blamed me for not trying hard enough and for not having milk! They had not figured out the problem yet. One nurse grabbed my breast and stuffed it in my baby's mouth. Another nurse, stuck her grimmy, unwashed finger in his mouth to see if he had the reflex. They wanted to test him to see if "I had a bad baby." This was all only 12 hours after he was born. He was peeing fine and there were no signs of starvation, but they continued to pressure me. They brought in a huge medela pump and pumped my breasts with no success, of course, because my milk had not come in yet. They even talked me into giving him a bottle of formula, but thankfully my baby refused it. They also tried to pressure me into cutting his frenelum, but I had not researched or heard anything about that, so I didn't feel ready to make a decision. They brought in the pediatrician who pushed for the surgery telling me my son would have speech problems later in life. I was devastated! My huband got his lap top for some quick research and found out the procedure is not necessary. Most kids outgrow it or stretch it out on their own.
After 24 hours I demanded to be released home where I could work this out in the peace and calm of my own house. After going home, I got my milk in the next day. My baby latched on as best he could. He bit down on my nipple with his gums, then flicked his tongue at it to retrieve the milk. (Yes, very painful!) God gave me enough milk to feed my baby with one side then pump 8 ounces on the other. Eventually, we both got better at it and now, 10 months later - he is a pro. He actually crawls up to me, pulls down my shirt and latches himself on!
This is where my new problem comes in. I only planned on nursing through the first year. We are two months out and I'm still nursing 3-4 times a day. If I ever try to skip a nursing, he cries. He looks at me with he beautiful eyes squinched up, mad as heck. It makes me feel super guilty. When I do nurse him, he smiles and cheers! Smiley
Any ideas on how to wean?
Debra
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Thanks Mikki,
I think mine will just dry up without me noticing because at this point I was barely feeling any let down. I used to pull Joa away just to see if there was anything coming out because I didn't feel it. We'll see how it goes.
Now that you are done nursing don't pump. Your body will continue to produce milk as long as you are emptying it out. It will dry up on it's own but during the first couple of days you may feel some discomfort because the glands will still let down on cue. You can express a tad in the shower if it is painful but it is best to just let it be. With my first two, the milk dried up with no evidence, it was just suddenly gone. With Aaron, (I think because he nursed longer) I experienced a bit of discomfort for three days cause my breasts were full. Then as quick as they filled they were gone. Amazing way our bodies were designed!
Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com
Hello. I just want to update you guys on Joakim's weaning.
As of his first birthday, when we introduced cow's milk, Joa is completely weaned. The first few days he only drank a little bit of milk then spit it out. In a couple of days, though, he was chugging like a pro. He is even eating it when its mixed with his cereal.
During the past two weeks Joa has done the "milk" sign and pulled on my shirt a couple of times, but I just get up and get his cup. I hold him close while he drinks, which is what I think he is after in the first place. This has worked for us.
I've had to deal with some mommy guilt because in just two weeks he has become more solid, heavier, more alert, and more alive. I blamed myself for possibly delaying his development by not feeding him enough. He was only nursing once or twice per day and I was not supplementing with formula. My husband assured me that our son is brilliant and healthy. He made sure I knew he thought I was doing a great job, but you all know mommy-guilt.
Here is my new set of question........ I apologize in advance for being so candid about this issue but,
Now that I am not nursing, what happens to my breasts? Will they dry out on their own? Do I need to do anything? I squeezed them in the shower and milk came out, so I still have some, what happens to that milk? This is probably a dumb question but, will it rot in my breasts if I don't pump it out?
I am curious to know your experiences with weaning. Look forward to reading them.
Debra
Hi, Debra. I'm sorry to be slow getting back to you. I've been having computer problems.
I completely understand your reasons for wanting to wean. The playing around during nursing is never fun and always annoying! With my boys, when they would start doing that, I'd just set them up on my lap or set them in the floor. The playing ended the nursing session. I figured if they were playing, they didn't really want to nurse. Then, later, if they wanted to nurse, we'd try again.
Now the teeth, that can be dealt with. I nursed my oldest until just past his 2nd birthday, and he had a lot more than six teeth but only bit me twice when he was around 18 months old. If your son is actually nursing/sucking, it's impossible for him to bite you because his tongue covers his lower gum/teeth while he nurses. So he'd actually be biting himself! If you pay attention while he nurses, you'll be able to see if he's not actively sucking but rather playing or just holding the nipple in his mouth. That's when biting becomes a possibility and, like I mentioned about the playing around, you can stop nursing and sit him up to prevent any bites. When my son was 18 months and bit me, he knew what "biting" meant and so I would pop his diapered backside (no pain through all that, just an attention-getting) and tell him firmly "no biting." Like I said, he only bit twice.
Really, it sounds like you're following his cues about when to nurse. It sounds like he's already decreasing the number of times he wants to nurse, which is the path toward weaning. Some little ones will enjoy nursing just once or twice a day. It's a way for them to feel close to you and lovie dovie
Thank you Mikki and Cindy for your support.
Recently I have been entertaining the thought of nursing beyond the first birthday. But, there are a few reasons why I want to wean. 1) My son has 6 teeth Shocked! Need I say more? 2) My son is playing around while he nurses. He loves to nurse, but as soon as he latches on, he starts to suck, then stops, lifts his head, looks around, laughs, then goes back to the breast. This constant sucking and stopping is not only sometimes painful, but also a bit annoying. 3) I want to wean him before baby #2, who is in the plan for next year. 4) My husband is ready for me to be done. Don't get me wrong, my husband is great! He is probably the reason why we were successful with nursing in the first place. But the fact that the baby is so playful during nursing makes him wonder if its time. He also wants me back Wink
I nurse my son when he first wakes up. On his way out to work, my husband gets him and leaves him in bed with me and I nurse him. Then at lunch and at dinner. Sometimes he snacks on me after his second nap. I stopped nursing him to sleep during sleep training so as to not develop a sleep crutch. It worked for us. I was also concerned about his dental health. I have skipped nursings before, especially when we are out in public. He moves too much during nursing now for me to do it in public Smiley. He is fine if I skip it. Its mainly when he is cranky, sleepy or hungry that he just wants to latch on for comfort.
Thank you for your advice. I agree to stop nursing when he's ready. I just wonder if he's ready and maybe I'm missing the signals.
Debra
Hi, Debra! Congratulations on nursing your son even after all the trauma you went through at the hospital. I'm sorry the nurses were so difficult toward you.
Mikki has given you some great information about weaning. I just wanted to chime in and say that there is no rule that says you have to wean him by age one. In fact, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics and many other child experts (moms included!), breastmilk should be the primary source of his nutrition until he turns one. That means that more than 50% of what he eats should be breastmilk.
The balance should not tip toward other foods (as in, 40% breastmilk and 60% solid foods) until AFTER he turns one. The same thing is true for formula-fed babies, but unfortunately most people don't follow the ideal model.
Like Mikki said, breastfed little ones will stop when they are ready. It is amazing how much they decrease their nursing after the first birthday. Babies have such a strong need for mom and her milk, but that need seems to spiral downward quickly during the toddler years.
My first son was nursing probably 6-8 times a day when he turned one. By five to six months later, he was nursing only two or three times a day. My second son completely stopped nursing (on his own, no weaning attempts on my end) when he was just 17 months. My youngest is just nine months, and he's still going strong.
If you'd like to learn more about nursing past one year, please post again and we'll talk about it. The nursing relationship is so wonderful between mom and baby, and it continues to be wonderful even after 12 months
Good morning Debra,
I moved you topic to a more relevant board so more people can find it and share their ideas.
First I want to congratulate you on sticking to your guns and nursing your son. Aaron was also born with the same condition (frenelum) and I experienced a whole different reaction. Aaron was delivered with a midwife and she referred us to a pediatrician for his follow up care who didn't even support circumcision so he obviously wasn't interested in doing surgery on his tongue. What I was told however was that most kids tear it all by themselves in their day to day play, which I believe was the case with Aaron. He did have a funny "accent" for the first couple years. I remember joking about having a boy from the Broncs (we lived in sunny California) If you notice your son with a funny accent don't become alarmed, it just means his tongue hasn't "broke free" yet and give him time, no matter WHAT the pediatricians say. In my own opinion I don't think we should concern ourselves with things like being tongue tied. Our boys are brilliant just the same and have the God given ability to communicate openly.
On your topic of weaning I have found that breastfed babies wean when they are ready. In fact in most cultures infants are nursed well beyond the first year. Our culture has only more recently accepted that infants nursing beyond 12 months was "okay" and completely normal. If you need to wean him for other reasons here are a couple tips you can try implementing to see if it helps:
1) Try increasing the length of time before nursing. If he is ready to eat at 12pm insist that he wait until 12:15, and then gradually increase this wait time by 5 minute intervals once you notice he is putting up less fuss about waiting. This will get him used to going longer between nursing. During this time offer him a sippy with water or his favorite drink to distract him from wanting to nurse.
2) While you are increasing the wait time you can also offer him finger foods that are irresistible to toddlers, my kids loved bananas (messy but truly irresistible, something about the ability to squish what they ate) this helps to keep him from being too fussy and starts to introduce him to an alternative eating habit.
3) As a suggestion for piece of mind, if your son nurses to go to sleep make his "bedtime" nursing the last one to cut out. The bedtime nursing is more than eating for your baby, it is a time to find warmth, comfort and security as he snuggles down for the night making it more stressful for your child to give up (and you too). Increase the time to eat between his morning and afternoon feedings first until they have been eliminated before cutting out the bedtime nursing. From my personal experience weaning the bedtime nursing is no different than that from a bottle. You can either replace it with a leak proof cup, which in my opinion is no different from the bottle and hard to break from later on (I know we made this mistake with our last baby!) or decide when your child is old enough to say enough with drinking to go to sleep and cut him off. Again I would make this the last feeding to eliminate because it is the most stressful on the child.
The fact that he is already only nursing 3 - 4 times a day indicates he will be more likely to wean near the 12 month marker. Be patient and just as determined as you were to start nursing and he will soon love to have a drink of water and a banana instead of moms milk.
Mikki Hogan Publisher of UniqueParenting.com