How Does Parental Involvement Affect Teens?

Teen angst is hardly a new dilemma. Even Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet recognizes the highly-charged emotions that every teenager seems to face as they navigate the road to adulthood. Whether this is the result of hormones, or society, or a dangerous mixture of both, the fact is that teenagers are known for their pin-wheeling emotions. A recent article, written by Catherine Jones, implies that these emotions are par for the course and neither parents nor teens can do anything about it. While I agree that the teen years are challenging years for both parent and child, I don’t believe that a parent should just shrug her shoulders and give up.

Today's pace of life is faster than anything we've ever seen. Media outlets such as the Internet, video games, and television keep life moving at warp speed. Evidence of the restlessness caused by this instant entertainment is seen in the plethora of amusement parks and thrill rides dotting the countryside. I see teens roaming malls, shopping centers, and hanging out at the movie-plex where their parents were more than happy to leave them unsupervised for a few hours. Some do this to teach their children independence, others believe they can trust their child to make the right decisions; still others just don't want to parent anymore and are glad for the evening off.

The author of the article ends with saying that it is the teen's job to shut himself off from the family, and it is the parent's job to hate the child's loud music. Essentially, she believes that these are normal behaviors that will resolve themselves in time. I strongly disagree. A parent should not be absent. Many assume that if a parent isn't absent they are overbearing. One doesn't need to hover to be involved with their teens. My brothers and I played sports and my parents were at every game. In fact, my dad coached each of us at different times in our sports careers. I was still able to learn how to make wise decisions independent of my parents. After all, on the field, no one could tell me what to do. I had to react to the situation at hand. But my parents were there cheering and offering support from the sidelines. That’s what a good teen parent does. While I had my moments of frustrations and strong emotions, I never felt the need to shut my parents out. I knew they loved me and supported me—always.

I know other parents who invest in a swimming pool so that their teens can- invite their friends to their house. Others invest in a boat as a recreational vehicle that the family can use together. Other families enjoy camping out, canoeing, and fishing. Each of these methods has a common theme. The parents find an activity that they can enjoy with their teenager. This keeps them connected and the children have their own decisions and mistakes that they make, but it is usually in sight of the parent, who can offer love, support, and advice if it is needed. This is a far cry from the picture that Jones paints of a solitary teen completely shutting his parents out of his world.
Some may argue that teenagers need to learn how to function on their own. They do. I agree wholeheartedly, but that doesn't mean that the parent shouldn’t be aware of what struggles her teen is facing. The teen years are a time for you to be aware of the decisions your teen is making so that you can help guide those decisions. It is a fact that the part of the brain that understands the consequences of actions is not fully developed in a teenager. This is why you have these years, to teach your child how to make wise decisions. That’s not the same as setting him free at the movies with his buddies and completely disappearing from sight.

As a middle school teacher, many parents that I saw were actively involved in their teenager's life. Although many teens rolled their eyes in front of their friends, behind the scenes you could sense the well-being and confidence that those students had, knowing that their parents cared for them. The teens who floundered were the ones whose parents openly admitted to me that they were tired of parenting. Some parents were just too busy with work and felt guilty; others had parented older children and were tired of what they saw as a continuous fight. As I watched, these teens drew into themselves more and more. If you're a parent who feels as though there is no point fighting your teen’s mood swings, I want to encourage you to keep on being a part of your child’s life. Despite the apathetic exterior, your teen is frightened about the drastic physical and emotional changes he is facing. He needs you now more than ever.

You don't have to hover, but do find something that you can do together regularly, whether it’s a movie night, camping, hunting, or fishing trips, or a trip to an amusement park together. Go ahead, buy those season passes, but buy one for yourself as well and accompany your teen to the park. Have him invite a friend, but spend time with them. Don't just drop him off and leave him to make his own decisions alone. He'll be doing that soon enough. He isn't old enough just yet. Your teen needs you. Don't just give up.