How Do We Prepare Our Teens for Adult Responsibility
Hello everyone!
A friend of mine and I were talking about a parents role with the 17 - 18 year old child while they remained in the home and how involved that role should be. Many moms in our group think we are to step out of the picture at this age and simply observe from the sidelines, letting our kids meet natural consequences.
While we both see the need to let our children fail and learn on their own we aren't sure that sitting on the sidelines is what's best for them. I have always been a believer that without guidance it is impossible to "guess" the right course of action. Now I will admit that sometimes we can accidentally find that right course, but in most cases we hit head on with pain and suffering when left to our own ideas.
I look at the ages of 17 - 18 as a critical time for parents to be actively involved with their children in an effort to teach and guide them through adult choices. And being actively involved makes it impractical to sit on the sidelines.
Here are some things to consider, without our guidance how will our children:
- Know how to appropriately seek employment
- Open a checking and savings account
- Balance those accounts
- Live within their means
- Create a workable budget
- Balance adult responsibility with play
Let's face it moms and dads, our kids need us to teach them actively during their last couple of years at home. Otherwise you are sending an unprepared young adult into the world and from the looks of our economy we don't need any more ill prepared adults running the show!
What are your ideas? Do you think we should sit on the sidelines or actively participate? How do you prepare your teen for adult responsibility?
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In my house there are increased responsibilities at different age groups. To me this is helping prepare them for the adult world, which functions in much the same way. For example my 13 year old is expected to complete his chores without a reminder while my 9 year old has dad in the room helping out and the 3 year old doesn't have chores (with the exception of picking up her toys when she's done).
The different levels of repsonsibility helps them come to understand seniority and heirarchy of the working world. I have to say I believe my kids have a solid foundation and are being well prepared for the adult world in that respect.
Though it depends on an individual's own perspective, personally, I do not advocate that we should let our kids go and learn by their own. I am not saying this because of fear that they may go astray.
That is only one of the factors. The important points are:
- Where is our responsibility?
- Will we have answers if he loses way and come back to us when it is too late?
- Where is the 'family' and 'bonding' elements?
- And where is the 'balance' of a healthy relationship?
Of course, a grown up child can lose way even under parents guidance and supervision but at least you are with him to handle and support. The all important point that has been always discussed and re-emphasized is 'to have balance', in how much you leave him alone, and how much you guide him. And the key is to 'know this balance' as a parent.
I believe that you should support enough that your child can always trust you and fall back on you for his 'personal' as well as for 'routine' concerns.
If the tasks listed by Mikki (such as managing accounts) interest a child, let him go and learn his way. He will come back if he fails or if he needs help. If it does not interest him, encourage him about the positive aspects of learning these. Have role plays and activities where child realises the importance of learning these.
As a parent, there are 'N' number of ways to encourage positive learning. I also understand the limitations of parents such as sometimes health, fianances, marital disputes, or anything. But these correspond to the child as well, so learning and limitations or role and responsibilities go hand in hand.