How Can I help My 8 year old feel happy inside?
My 8 year old daughter has always been a little too smart for her age and carried many adult worries on her shoulders. For example when she was only 3 she began to fear death and what would happen to her family when she died. At age 4 she began to fear aging, getting wrinkles and not being able to get around very good. Beginning at age 6 she developed a severe separation anxiety from anyone in the house, fearing if they left home without her they might die while they were gone and she would never see them again. At age 7 she began to notice all the suffering around her and cried for all the homeless people.
All her life she has been more likely to withdraw and cry over things no one knew because they were often in her own thoughts, thoughts she refused to share. Every sadness she remembers and often expresses that it is very painful for her to be happy because her heart fights really hard to feel sad and it hurts to make herself happy. She also says that she is only pretending to be happy so we will not feel sad for her.
Morgan has always been ultra sensitive and I have always aimed to help her understand how to feel happy and love others, but her fears continue to grow. She has developed phobias of almost everything and goes into a shear panic if one of her family members uses anything that could hurt us. For example her sister was using a knife to peel potatoes and Morgan became distraught crying saying that Danielle might cut herself. Danielle was allowed to continue using the knife but incidences like these continue to happen.
Just last month Morgan tells me that she hopes life will be different when Christ returns because she hates her life. After insisting on why she says, "I hate pain and I always hurt. I hate feeling sad and I'm always sad. And I hate being afraid and I'm afraid of everything." My heart sank to hear her express this, she is only 8! I have sought counseling with our pastor and he has been amazing in help thus far, but I know there has to be more I can do for her. I'm would never medicate her, so that is not what I am looking for, but has anyone gone through this? Do you have any suggestions that may help her sadness?
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I'm very sad to see there is another child like my own, but at the same time it is nice to see there are other parents who care and understand partially what their children are going through. Your daughter sounds just like mine, and it makes me so sad to see the pain she goes through on a daily basis. Please let me know if you find other solutions to her sadness. I am at a loss as to what to do. I don't want her to end up being a sad adult who looks forward only to death. :-(
I just wanted to add an update on how we are doing here. At the advice of our pastor I have been saying a morning prayer with Morgan asking God to help her with specific things as they come up, for example not missing dad or not taking things personal. This seems to be really helping! Morgan is happier the first part of the day and appears to be more confident. Now she isn't "free" from her sadness. It still comes from day to day and I am learning to take each moment of sadness at a time, and teaching her to do the same thing. Being a new process this is rather difficult but it definitely shows hope. Does anybody else have a better way?
Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com
I think it is amazing that saying a morning prayer with her is helping. Has there been any trauma in her life? It seems that she is really scared inside and I was wondering if there was some trauma or just a personality on it's own. I do know kids that have had a disposition to depression, but sometimes that can be complicated if they experience a loss or other turmoil. Just wondering.