How Can I Break My Son's Candy Habits?

These are excellent ideas. Everyone I know encourages giving a reward like candy or movie or something every time the kids do something right. I was concerned that this was something I couldn't keep up after they got older and just didn't see it being something that didn't become a need for my kids. Some of these tips are really great and different from what I have been hearing lately.

Debra - I like the way you specify telling the kids why they do things rather than what they can get in the end. It always seems like a bribe when I over hear parents saying things like, if you behave then I will by you some gum. Your advice will definitely be considered here.

OK so I'm on the guilty Aunt side on this one

When my niece was a year old and my sister dropped her off for sitting she would always forget something. Not enough diapers, no wipes, no food - it was always something. So my husband and I thought it would be funny to teach my niece something naughty each time her mom left an incomplete diaper bag.

First we taught her to say "Booty" It was just too cute to see a little baby with a mischievous look repeat the word. She had no idea what she was saying, she just knew it was bad. Then we taught her to "shake" her booty. It made her mom so bad that she never forgot the wipes again

I do feel better now--at least I'm not the only protective mom...I think they think I'm way too overprotective and nuts...but if it was up to them he'd be munching on pork fat while sledding down a steep incline into a fence...because that's the definition of fun. I guess that's why God made moms...so our kids would make it to their teens when they'll decide to do this crazy stuff on their own Grin.

Mikki-Wow! We had an issue with hubby's brothers and even his grandparents trying to get Aiden to repeat cuss words. It made me so mad that they wanted to pollute his little mouth like that! I'm glad they aren't the only ones who try these things...maybe they aren't so abnormal after all!

Debra you are too funny! Grin That makes me think of the time Danielle was only a baby an my sister thought it would be funny to teach her a nice little thing to tell mommy. One day I was telling Danielle she can't have that and she says, "ahh bulchit" Shocked I called my sister right away, she was only 10 months old!! I was boiling, and my sister was laughing.

Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com

I'm so glad to hear that!

My hubby gave Joa a taste of whipped cream when he was 6 months old also. I didn't freak too much, but I definitely gave him the eye.

One random In-law story to make you feel better: my father in law thought it would be cute to have my husband turn my baby upside down held my his feet to take a picture. I was casually scrolling through the pictures when I ran into it. It took me a while to figure out which was the picture went. But then I noticed. I chewed my husbands head off. I was sooooo angry. He was only 5 months old. I am angry not just thinking about it . So there. Hope you feel better

I love your ideas! I was really strict about him having any sweets too (my IL's totally disregarded my wishes and fed him grape pie when I wasn't looking when he was just 6 months old Angry...That was his first taste of sweets) But for his birthday I made carrot cake and I kept everything really low-key on the sweets end. To this day he doesn't like chocolate and some other forms of sweets, but he has found bits of candy that he likes...And with Halloween recently we've been caught in that candy trap. I do get excited for him and point out the accomplishments he makes and how close they bring him to "big boy" status Grin...But we can certainly employ some of the other methods that you've mentioned

Yes, Mikki, I was itching to finish reading so I could reply when I saw that you mentioned my wanting to write. You are starting to know me a little too well.

Empowering parents to establish intrinsic rewards is my passion...along with healthy eating. I too am a dorky "No he can't have just a little taste of your ice cream" kind of mom. My poor baby Joa will probably be 2 also when I let him try candy or junk food. The thought of putting a french fry in his mouth makes me cringe lol.

Mikki made some great points about removing candy from the home. Aiden just wants a reward, it doesn't really matter to him what it is. There are many ways to reward: affection, attention, praise, additional time doing a favorite activity (longer bath, extra bedtime story, alone time with mom or dad), favorite activity, etc..

Your conversation is the most important element. He needs to understand that you are not negotiating "If you ___ for me then you get ____." He must know the real reason behind your expectations "you keep your diaper dry because it feels better, you are a big boy, you will soon get to wear underwear like Daddy " "You clean up so that you can find your toys next time, to keep the house neat, you are responsible and you take care of your things, you are obedient, etc.."

In my class I used the phrase "You must be so proud of yourself." a lot. I didn't like to tell the kids that I was pleased too too much because I did not want them to become teacher pleasers. Try that. After a meal, you can take a digi-picture and put it on the fridge with heading - "Aiden ate all his food!" OR you can keep a chart, rewarding concretely only after a set number of deeds.

Drive home your family values with him. Use phrases such as "In this house we like to....care for our things." "We are adjective people." "You are better than that." "You are positive adjective." Make these declarations over Aiden and he will become what you say he is. These will also help build a sense of family togetherness and belonging. He will identify himself as a member of a family who needs to carry on the family values.

I know this sounds like ridiculous advice for a two year old but trust me, he will get it

Hi Elsie,

There is only one way to end this battle, and it will probably have to wait until after you go trick or treating next week because it involves removing all candy from the house completely! Yes I said completely. (You can stash some for mom and dad after Aiden is asleep if you have your own sweet tooth to manage Smiley

We have had this battle, more than once unfortunately and the reality is the only way little kids stop begging for it is when they don't get it. Enjoy Halloween and his B-day candy (here is a tip, throw most of it away, a bunch every time he gets to pick a piece after he has ran off to eat it). Continue the firm, "No candy until after dinner." Sometimes I did lunch instead of dinner Wink but never before lunch.

Once the candy is gone, you tell Aiden that it is gone, show him it is gone and tell him you aren't going to buy any more candy. Then don't buy it. Our toughest battle lasted almost 2 months with 2 kids throwing a fit every time we went to the store. I can promise you that it is no harder to handle these fits than the daily demand for candy.

Now for a more complicated task on your hands, Aiden has come to expect a reward for displaying good behavior and this may present a challenge over and above removing the unhealthy habit of constant candy. He is 3 and can recognize that candy is bought with money! Instead of completely removing both his candy and his reward all at once, replace the reward with silver. Offer him a nickel for each good behavior and as an added incentive to see this as a real treasure start showing him at the store how many nickels it will take to buy a piece of candy. You can use dimes or quarters, which ever you prefer but pennies take way too long to add up and he may lose sight of the big reward in the end.

A tip to help you reduce the need for rewards and start getting the good behavior because it is the right thing to do, for every 3 good behaviors offer a large amount of praise (seems silly I know but it will still make him feel all good inside and deter him from holding out his hand for the silver!) When Aaron and Morgan were 3 and 5 they loved to trash the room but not clean it. In one play setting they would have every toy, book, pillow and blanket, clothes and shoes, everything was thrown every where. When the time came to clean it the never wanted to. After Morgan would spend about 10 minutes picking up toys I would get very excited (mostly because I was very excited that I didn't have to do it) and pick Morgan up with a BIG hug and spin her in a circle and say, "Thank you, thank you, thank you." Then Aaron ran over, picked up toys and wanted his BIG hug and thank you. This worked for several months (then they got older and it wasn't fun anymore). Remember that these are steps to follow in an effort to remove the need for a reward for his good behavior. Once you are successfully rewarding 2 with money and 1 with praise then you can start teaching him about why we behave and the greater rewards that come from it.

I know Debra has had lots of experience with rewarding younger kids with non-material rewards and taught them rather effectively why we should behave. Perhaps she can share some of her experiences in here as well to help you overcome the habit of rewarding good behavior and start Aiden on the path of obedience for the right reasons.

One final thought on the candy, what we do now is occasionally buy the kids candy while we are at the store checking out or let them buy it with their own money. We have to watch this closely as well because it is too easy to buy the candy every time we go to the store or every time the kids have money. I remind my kids that we need to be able to control our cravings just like our behavior and the infrequency of getting the candy really makes it more fun for them. Good luck with this battle. Candy can be very powerful

Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com