Hi from Richmond, VA!

Hi everyone! I'm Elsie. I live in a suburb southwest of Richmond called Chesterfield. It is hardly the small town environment that most of you describe. I'm jealous! Wink

I'm a stay-at-home mom to my 3 year-old son Aiden. I've always thought that it was important to be at home with my children and my husband has worked hard to provide that ability, but recently I've started working from home (writing) in order to keep myself busy as Aiden heads off to a Christian preschool in the area a couple of times a week. It's bittersweet for me. He loves his school and teacher, but I had always planned on homeschooling him. Sometimes God has different plans...

When Aiden was 6 months old, I found out that I was pregnant again. I was very surprised since I'd been breastfeeding! Unfortunately, when we went in for our 8 week ultrasound, they found a sac, but no baby. It was a blighted ovum. I miscarried a few weeks later. It was hard, but I had plenty of hope that we'd conceive again quickly (Aiden had taken 3 months to conceive). Unfortunately we didn't. One month turned into one year and we began infertility testing. All of the testing was normal and we were sent to a specialist. He found some small problems on my husband's side, and suggested that we go straight into IVF (in-vitro fertilization). In November/December of last year, we did a cycle of IVF and became pregnant with one beautiful bean! We were thrilled! Everything moved smoothly and I was released to an OB.

When I was 17 weeks I began having cramping and contractions. The doctors were unresponsive, telling me that they couldn't do anything at this stage anyway, and that it was unusual to lose a baby so late. I should add here that my brother and sister-in-law lost their full-term baby in October of 2006, so I was aware that babies are lost after the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. Anyhow, a few days after the doctors brushed me off, I started bleeding. I never bleed during pregnancy, so I knew that wasn't good. We went to the ER and found out that we were having a boy Grin. They released me, blaming the bleeding and cramping on a couple of teeny fibroids near my bladder and told me that I didn't look like I was going into pre-term labor. They did want me to go on bedrest and follow up the next day with my OB, and with that advice, they sent me home. The next day, as I was waiting for my OB's office to open so that I could go in for a check-up my water broke. I didn't go into labor immediately, but when I spiked a fever in the hospital that evening, they knew that my water had broken because of an infection (something that could have been treated had they discovered it earlier). They had to induce my labor, or I ran the risk of going septic and dying. It was heartbreaking watching my son, who was 18 weeks by that point squirming on that ultrasound, full of life, and knowing that when he was delivered, he would die. March 26, 2008, my son Chase was born and died. My husband and I got to hold him and kiss him for as long as we wanted. My brother took pictures of the event (the same one who had lost his daughter a couple of years earlier). If anyone ever experiences something like this (or ever has a friend go through a similar tragedy) I highly recommend taking pictures with your baby. You may never want to look at them, but if you do, you'll have them. I look at mine when I'm missing Chase--He looked JUST like his big brother. Even at 18 weeks he was perfectly formed. He had a cleft chin, big earlobes, and a slight overbite. It has been a few months since I've had to look through them, but I am glad they're there.

It has been a long, rough road, but I am slowly recovering. But Chase's death sealed the decision for me that Aiden needed to be in preschool so that he could learn common socialization skills. So my dream of homeschooling my son changed too. Now my hope is that he'll have a Christian education. I think one of the biggest things that I've learned is that life changes, expectations change, and you just have to roll with it. Mourn the loss, pick up the pieces and keep on moving. Chase's death is a big part of who I am now. If anyone is ever suffering from infertility, or miscarriage, I am happy to talk with you about my experiences (or listen to yours) and share some of the things that have helped me. I'm also recovering from it. I'm a work in progress Smiley.

It was very interesting to me that Cindy said she used attachment parenting on her babies, but still supported spanking when necessary. That's very much how my philosophy lines up as well. I was a babywearer, and I hope I have the chance to be one again Wink. My son is growing quickly though, and the babywearing days are long gone, but the foundation that was built during those early years remains strong today. We'll see how we weather the pre-teen and teenage years. I taught middle school before Aiden was born, so I know how quickly they change.

Anyway, that's my life journey so far. It has been a tough road, but it's my road and all I am doing right now is continuing to walk and parent the one child that I have the priviledge of being a mommy to! We have our tough days. He was a fussy, colicky baby and is now a spirit, strong willed little boy. But he's the light of my life! Even more so now that I know how fragile life is.

I look forward to chatting with everyone. I loved reading everyone else's stories and I can't wait to discuss things more in depth as we walk the parenting-path less travelled.