Innocence, Influence, and Exposing Your Child to the World

The word innocence conjures up different ideas for each family. Most parents want their children to remain naive about violence in the world, sexual situations, and general pain and suffering. Many prefer for their little ones to never hear curse words or see rude gestures. Some would be happier if their children never saw someone who is scantily dressed or behaving provocatively, but that's getting more and more difficult even at the grocery store.

The reason we parents want and need to shield our children from certain knowledge is the influence it can have on their minds and behaviors. Have you ever seen a little girl dancing around shaking her hips and looking coquettishly over her shoulder? She had to learn that somewhere! What children see and mimic during their younger years usually follows them into the teen years and into adulthood. That same little girl may be looking suggestively over her shoulder at a boy when she's 14, and that look may lead her down a path that her parents had hoped and prayed she would never walk. The seeds of teenage sexual exploration, violence, and drug and alcohol use are all planted during early childhood.

I'd like to dig a little deeper into this issue and see how exposure to too many influences will affect your child's behavior today. I want to look at argumentative attitudes, back-talking, and other problems that often lead to all-out rebellion in the teen years.

Television

Television is probably the single biggest place that children receive undue influence from worldly and inappropriate models. Frankly, most programming is completely unsuitable for a child to watch. Even early-hour sitcoms are now full of “soft” cursing and sexual innuendo. Daytime programming on network channels consists mainly of soap operas, talk shows, and court programs–all of which contain material that your child will be better off if he misses entirely. News shows are so full of violence and images of people being injured or dying that young children should probably never watch them. Each family needs to make that determination, but I encourage you to open your eyes and ears. Take a fresh look at the programs your child sees. Do they contain words and images that you want him to see and remember? Or do you wince over certain things and hope he didn't notice? Trust me, he noticed.

Maybe you limit your child to children's programming channels and feel that keeps her safe from all the violence, sexuality, and other issues that she isn't ready to handle. What about disobedience, disrespect, rudeness, and a mocking or teasing attitude? Have you watched the shows that your child watches? The irreverent, disrespectful attitude that the characters display is actually shocking. I once saw a few minutes of a popular cartoon in which one of the main characters–a girl of about six years old–told her parents that they had no right to tell her what to do, that she was old enough to do whatever she wanted, and she didn't care what they had to say. The parents just stood there staring dumbly.

All children test the limits to see “how far they can get,” but sometimes disrespect and complete disregard for parental authority can be traced to these television role models. Be aware of the programming, be careful in your decisions of what is allowed, and do not be afraid to make changes in the programs your family views.

Books

I once thought that if we carefully screened television shows, we were doing great. As my years as a mother have increased, however, I've become more aware of the poor model that is presented in many books written for children. For example, I grew up reading a certain series of books. I collected every book the authors wrote until I was about ten, and I read than over and over again. I still have all those books, and my sons read them now. Several months ago, we bought them three new books in the series. I was shocked at the way the tone of the books has changed. The oldest child in the stories now stomps his feet and shouts at his parents, the younger sister is so angry over the arrival of a new baby that she slams doors and kicks her dolls, the mother spends almost all of one book angry and shouting at the kids. In another book, the children don't want to go to bed, and the parents pander to them like clowns trying to convince them to do what they're asked. In the end of that book, the children win the “battle” and don't have to go to bed. Not the behavior I want to see in my own children!

I began to read the older books with a more critical eye and noticed that the father is portrayed as a bumbling idiot. The mother is always right and has to teach and train the father as if he is one of the children. I want my boys to respect their father and look up to him, not look at him as if he's a big kid. I want my sons to be strong men and have a vision of what a man should be. I don't want them to think men are dumb and not as capable as women are

Allow me to suggest that you read every book before giving it to your child. Sometimes inappropriate subjects appear where you don't expect them–like the character called Bullshik in a book my son got from the library.

With extra care and boundaries we can prevent many of the negative influences that our children encounter. I encourage you to not be afraid to set boundaries and change what is allowed in your home if necessary. In the long run, your children will be glad that you did.