Do We Accurately Let Our Teens Know Our Expectations of Them?

Over the past few weeks my 16yr old daughter has been aiming to get her spiritual life back on track after several months of mixing in with the wrong boy. During that time her freedoms were shortened and I often questioned her actions and requests.

That was a long haul for both of us. Truly. But one morning not too many weeks ago she realized, with the help of a dream, that I wasn't too far off the mark after all. She set a goal and steps to achieve it. One thing she really needed was to surround herself with positive peers.

Our church is small and her peers are few, so we made arrangements for her to attend every other week with a sister congregation where more of her friends attended. Unfortunately, this also meant she attend without me and her siblings since we could not get there that often.

This past week I was speaking with a member from the larger church about some of the teens that my daughter spends a lot of time with. These are teens that I know well and whose parents I know well, but there was some concern about manners and the like.

With little details I talked with my daughter on our drive home and stated, "I trust that if their behavior was risky or promiscuous you would step up and say something about it." Her response sort of threw me; she said, "Mom thanks for trusting my judgment."

Well guess what I realized, I hadn't let my daughter know my expectations of her! Obviously after the rough road we had she assumed my expectations were low. For her to hear me say I knew she was making a good choice here reassured in ways I hadn't thought of.

This brings me to my question: are we letting our teens know our expectations accurately? Especially after going through some tough times with them. I learned that by letting her know I expected her to make the right choice gave her courage, confidence and appreciation for our relationship.

How about you? Have you let your child know your expectations?