Discipline and ADHD: Disciplinary Traps You Need to Avoid

For anyone who parents a child with a neurological disorder, knowing when and how to discipline is challenging. ADHD parents have an especially hard time since the symptoms of the disorder cause their children to be disorganized, hyperactive, and unfocused. This makes it especially hard to discern when to extend grace to the child, considering that his disorder is the cause of his behavior, and when to hold the child accountable. Here are a few disciplinary traps to avoid as well as proactive steps you can take to teach your child self-control and ultimately give him victory over his disorder.

Don’t Argue—Your Word is Final:

ADHD children love to argue—and they are experts at it. If you give them an opening to discuss the decision that you have made, they will fight you tooth and nail. It is wearisome for you and they won’t tire of it because it energizes them to argue. Remember, it takes two to have an argument, so if you consistently refuse to discuss your reasoning and decisions with your child, your child will learn that your decisions are not open for argument. This will save you energy and establish the stability (mom and dad mean what they say) that a child with ADHD needs.

Be Consistent:

Once you have made a decision, be firm. If you waffle even once, your child will see it as weakness, and will become more persistent the next time you make a decision that he doesn’t like.

No Excuses:

Don’t allow the disorder to be a crutch. Your child will face more difficulties because of his disorder. Letting things slide just because he has ADHD won’t teach him how to live with it. Yes, it is going to be harder for the child to meet your expectations, but if you lower your standards you inadvertently teach him that his disease is something he can’t overcome.

Behavior Can be Controlled:

Yes, ADHD makes your child act impulsively. He will have to work hard, and be reminded many times of your expectations, but it isn’t impossible for a child with ADHD to control his impulses. Be consistent and don’t give up. He will learn to behave the way that you expect. If you teach him that his ADHD means he doesn’t have to behave well, he won’t learn to control himself. Once again he’ll take away the lesson that his disorder is something that he can never learn to manage.

Assign Chores:

When a child is given roles within the family to fulfill, he learns that he is a valued member of a community. He gains self-esteem and realizes that he is an important cog in the machinery of the family. It will take work on your part to make sure that he is fulfilling his family role, but again this reinforces the lesson that your child is an important part of your family and that you need his contribution.

Media stays outside of the room:

Frankly this is one of the biggest dangers facing today’s youth. Online stalkers, sexing, and other dangers threaten your child. If you don’t monitor what your child is watching or doing, who will? Don’t allow your child to have a phone, computer, or any other form of media directly in his bedroom. Whether your child has ADHD or not, placing a computer or cell phone in a private place can have disastrous results. ADHD children are especially prone to putting themselves in dangerous situations due to poor impulse control. Give your child responsibilities that will build his self-esteem, but be especially vigilant against temptations that he may not be ready to handle.

Deal with Misbehavior in a Forward-Looking Fashion

Rather than trying to get into your child’s mind and figure out what caused him to act a certain way, look toward the future. The misbehavior has happened; now help your child come up with a plan to move forward. Asking questions that help your child formulate a plan for how they are going to deal with the consequences of their actions, and how they are going to keep from acting in this way in the future are more helpful than re-hashing the past.

Raising a child with ADHD can be tiring work. They are highly intelligent children who are able to spot weakness in a person and chip away at it until they get the answer they want, but they are also able to be extremely successful if they learn how to channel that energy, perseverance and intelligence in productive ways. It is your job as the parent to provide him with the framework he needs to become a productive and successful adult.