Did You Know the Gender of Your Baby?
Something Debra mentioned in another thread made me think of this. Did you all find out the gender of your children while you were pregnant? And why or why not? And if you didn't find out from your doctor, did you just "know"? It's another one of those things I always find interesting to hear about.
For us, we wanted to be surprised both times. Each time I went for an ultrasound, I would enter the room saying, "don't tell me, don't tell me". Because I was a little bit older when I had children (almost 36 and almost 38), there was some extra testing and monitoring. Also, because I had a couple problems with Aidan, they kept an extra eye on things. I think partly because of that, we wanted to keep the one thing a surprise that we could. To us, there's just something about the doctor saying "it's a boy!" or "it's a girl!" at that very moment of birth. Maybe it's old fashioned. But it was very important to us.
I had one friend that was going absolutely nuts because we weren't finding out. Drove her crazy that we didn't want to know! She just couldn't understand. Why not be prepared ahead of time? Well, there are so few true surprises in the world, we didn't want to spoil that one!
And I know a lot of people do find out and I totally understand that. I know your surprise and thrill comes when the doctor reads the sonogram and makes the announcement. It just wasn't for us. But with Aidan, I definitely "knew" he was a boy. If the doctor had said girl, I think I would have rolled off the operating table in shock! With Eli, I wasn't so sure. I think I was hoping for a girl a little bit--you know the perfect one-boy, one-girl family! But now that I have two boys, I wouldn't have it any other way!
So, let's take an informal poll. Did you know ahead of time or not?
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We knew we were having a girl very early on. I found it sort of comforting knowing the sex of our baby because we picked her name and started calling her by it from the very start. It was a nice bond. (would have been super funny if the doctor had come back and said it was a boy
I actually had a set of nurses once they admitted me to L&D who gave me hope. But since they weren't doctors, it only bolstered my spirits a little bit. I guess I trust doctors more than I should--and I found out after the fact that the doctor who was in charge of me during the night my fever spiked was a brand new med school grad (she was in the class ahead of a dear friend of mine--and she wasn't very good at all).
So the nurses...They started telling me that it was possible for my broken water sac to heal (as long as I didn't have an infection). And when my fever spiked they were sitting there suggesting other possible causes for the fever and making the doctor check for those things--because the doctors had given up and weren't even bothering to look for another reason. The perinatologists were a bit more sensitive to us, but they didn't have good news either. So the nurses were my saving grace during some very dark days...but as I said earlier, I am in much different hands this time around and I'm hopeful for a better outcome.
Hi Elsie, glad to hear you are in better hands now. Yes it was with Morgan, and why I can't have any more Cry When my water first broke I knew exactly what happened, I was at home and being the forth pregnancy, and the fact that my 180 lb dog had just landed on my stomach, I knew what it was. First I called my husband, then the midwife and then the local ER. What the hospital told me was to come be checked and if my water had broke they would have to terminate.
I was shocked, re-called my midwife and then she spent an hour on the phone calling hospitals. She called back angry at the doctors lack of faith and their refusal. She asked me and my husband one more time if we knew for sure we wanted to have this baby and then got on the phone again. Only 1 hospital was willing to see me without insisting on terminating. I had to sign multiple release forms but in reality it was the midwife that fought for us. The doctors didn't want to take on the "risk" of trying. I am so grateful for my midwife during that time. Had it not been for her confidence and courage to face those hospitals I think we would have simply believed the doctors after multiple places gave us the same answer. It was a long, hard pregnancy but I did everything my midwife and doctor said to the T and we made it through with God's strength, no doubt with His strength.
Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com
What a fun topic! We're planners too, so we knew with Aiden. I thought he would be a girl, and was really hopeful to have a girl, so I'm kind of glad I found out early on...I made hubby take me straight to Babies R Us so I could see that boy clothes were cute too Wink. With Chase I just knew he was a boy. Although, the pregnancy was so different from Aiden's that I sometimes wondered...We had an u/s at nearly 18 weeks because I was spotting (a sign of the infection that I had) and when I was watching the u/s he flipped around and I said--is it a boy? That looks like a boy part! And it was Grin. I was so glad we had that u/s because the next day my water broke and we could no longer see him well without the fluid around him.
Mikki-I love that you were able to carry your daughter to term--was that Morgan whose water broke at 4 months? I wish I'd known your story before I lost Chase. I might not have panicked so quickly. What makes me so angry about things is that no one gave me any kind of hope when my water broke with Chase (we are not seeing the same group of doctors this time--they gave up on Chase before I ever lost him). In fact, the doctor told me to go home and wait for labor to start because there was nothing he could do (I had placenta previa though and we convinced him that I'd be better off in the hospital). They held out no hope whatsoever--and they didn't even know yet that I had an infection because my fever didn't spike until 12 hours later. I'm in better hands with this pregnancy Wink.
This time--We technically could wait to find out. I have all of the boy clothes that I need and two nieces who would provide hand-me-downs...but I don't think I'll be that patient. I have a gut instinct of boy again. Aiden's pregnancy was definitely my most difficult and Chase's was the most easy. This one feels right in between those two, so it makes me think that it's the same gender...plus there hasn't been a girl born in hubby's family since his 50 year-old aunt was born.
Debra - you better patent that idea of yours, with the rapid growth in science that is a real possibility perhaps sooner than one might think LOL Grin. and wouldn't it be a cool device!
In response to the knowing or not I have to say I am on both sides. When I was pregnant with my first, I was only 16 and the dad decided he wanted to finish high school, not raise a family so for me knowing was a matter of prudent planning. I was going it alone (not really my mom was with me every step of the way, even in the delivery room) and I didn't want any surprises. With my second pregnancy I was with my husband and he didn't feel it necessary to know but I sure did! I was right there with Debra, I needed to know.
Then along came my third pregnancy and by this point we were so fed up with how doctors treated pregnancy more like a disease than a gift and sought out a midwife. In this situation ultrasounds don't occur, they tell you whether your baby is breech by exam and ultrasounds were an unnecessary means to anything (they are cool devices, but I now agree unnecessary in most pregnancies) as a result we did not know the sex of our third baby until he was born. When the midwife announced, "Mikki you have your boy." I was so overwhelmed with joy and was drawn desperately to hold him. More than any other doctor saying, "It's a girl" because we already knew that!
With my last pregnancy my water broke at four months and although that same midwife stood by our side, we had no choice but to be cared for in a doctor setting, which we did not complain about. It was required for the safety of our baby, and my own. It was necessary to have an ultrasound done every week to measure fluid, check the placenta and look for signs of fetal distress. We had the same appointment time in the same hospital every week so the nurses were informed of my interest to experience the surprise of not knowing once again, and it worked for 3 months. Unfortunately having an ultrasound every single week someone was sure to slip and it happened when one of the fill in nurses (who didn't see us every week) made the mistake of saying, "She is doing great Mr. and Mrs. Hogan." Imagine how my heart jumped and then sank. I was thrilled to know it was a girl, but also disappointed to know before time.
When she was born I had 3 doctors tell me, "Congratulations, it's a girl!" (I had my regular doc and two specialists in the room) and I looked at them, paused and said, "Yeah, we know."
Whether or not you find out while you are pregnant, or after, we are thrilled to first hear the announcement of boy or girl. But there is definitely something to hearing only after you have delivered. There seems to be more power to that announcement, maybe it's like finding out after a long hard race if you will receive the gold or silver medal.
Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com
I think I would explode of I didn't find out, Cheryl!
Pardon me if this offends anyone, but my friend and I joked that we wanted to invent a device that you could pee into right after making love and it would tell you if you were pregnant and whether it was a boy or girl - instantly! If only!
Waiting builds excitement but I am a serious planner.
The one thing I did not want to do was the 4-D ultrasound. My husband wants to get one this time. I just think they are way to expensive. He says, "don't you want to see what the baby looks like?" and I tell him no. I can wait until the baby comes out to see what they look like. Besides, they change so much in the first few days.
But back to the gender. My vote is I have to find out ASAP!
Debra