Christian Parenting Advice for Todays Parents

I'm a Christian, and I'm the mother of three children.  Like other Christian parents, I want my children to become Christians themselves, to grow into adults who choose to love and serve God.  I pray that they stay on God's narrow pathway throughout their lives, marry Christian spouses, go to church, and be examples of Christ's light everywhere they go.  While they are still children, I want them to behave well, be obedient and kind, and follow the moral rules from God's Word ("thou shalt not steal," "thou shalt not bear false witness," etc.).  I want them to develop honesty, patience, respect for others, and a responsible work ethic.

As I have mothered my children and grown in the Lord, I've developed my own ideas about children and parenting, ideas that I believe the Lord has led me to.  I think that each parent should develop a unique parenting style.  What works best for my family may not work at all for your family, but I would like to offer this one piece of Christian parenting advice:  You can't parent character.

I personally believe that good character cannot be taught or trained into a child. You've probably seen numerous curricula, books, and even poetry designed to teach your child Godly character. The prophet Jeremiah, under the holy inspiration of God, wrote that man's heart is "desperately wicked" (Jeremiah 17:9).  In chapter seven of Mark, verses 20-23, Jesus tells us 13 things that proceed "out of the heart of men," none of them pleasant.  If we truly believe what the Bible says about man's heart, then how can anyone teach it to have good morals or good character?

The Apostle Paul wrote much on the struggle between the new man and old man (see Romans 7:14-25 for one example), but only salvation through Jesus Christ gives a person a new, clean heart (1 John 3:9, 5:18). When it comes to children who haven't accepted Christ yet, the simple fact is this: the only heart they have is a wicked one.  Even after salvation, we all still have the old sinful nature within until we allow Christ to convert it little by little.

Now I am not trying to say that kids are bad, bad, bad! Children are innocent and often say the sweetest things and make observations about God that we adults don't see ourselves. But the human will within them is bad (wicked), and I simply don't believe that any amount of training can change that wicked heart into a good heart.

Instead, we teach our children proper behavior. We teach them God's laws, God's moral code. We teach them Scripture and we show them the consequences that God has ordained. We also try to reason with them to show them why certain behaviors are wrong.  ("It hurts Sally when you hit her.")  But the inner change is God's work, and I don't want to fool anyone into thinking we parents can accomplish it.

Believing that we parents bear the responsibility to create moral character is our children can be extremely discouraging.  As children grow older, their wills become more and more evident.  Anger, pride, and rebellion may begin to display themselves.  Despite countless character training workbooks and studies, our children still have sin in their old, carnal hearts.  God deals with each person's sin individually, but parents may easily become discouraged if they have believed that their training tools should have eliminated any evidence of sinful nature in their children.

Using God's Word and the authority He has given us, we can teach our children self-control, good behavior in various situations, how to speak politely, how to do their chores completely and efficiently, and many other good traits.  But we cannot touch the inside.  That is the work of God Himself, and Him only.  The greatest thing we can do for our children's hearts is pray that they will seek the changing power found in our Lord Jesus Christ.