Choosing consequences that make sense
Hello Everyone,
I hope that all of you will jump in and share the tactics that work for you regarding this topic. Parenting does not come with a manual, so learning from each other's experiences is the best way to get ahead.
As my son gets older and I prepare to welcome a second child into my home, I have been giving more and more thought to the subject of discipline. My son is, thankfully, very well behaved so far. He uses sign language to express good manners like please and thank you. I've even caught him telling himself "good boy," "have a good attitude" and "obey mama." My friends and family are amazed at how well he listens.
But like with every child, this is only the result of a lot of practice. He definitely misbehaves often. It amazes me that he can sing through an entire CD and recite books from memory, but seems to be clueless as to what "come here" means. :-) Our strategies so far have been stern reprimands, gentle flicks to the hand, and the occasional spanking. But we know we will need to begin to implement rules and consequences as his understanding increases.
I am a firm believer in consequences that make sense and follow as natural a pattern as possible. I am not a fan of time-out because it is, in my opinion, random. For example, if a child refuses to pick up their toys, I would pick up the toys and take them away. So the child understands, "if I don't pick up my toys I will lose them". Rather than, "I didn't pick up my toys and now I get to sit here for a minute." Or for older children who make a mess at the dinner table, I believe the right thing to do is to make them help clean up instead of taking 5 minutes off their playing time. Does that make sense?
I guess I'm curious as to what are other types of consequences that you as parents use? What kinds of privilege loses can be understood by a 2 year old?
Thanks in advance for your insight.
Debra
Syndicate
AddThis
I think at 2 you are pretty limited to consequences he would grasp and understand. I'm not sure I would take his toys away if he refused to pick them up at this young of an age. Around 4-5 he would be more likely to grasp that if he doesn't pick up his toys he loses them and I definitely like that approach.
For 2 I would suggest making him pick up the toys, literally. This sometimes may be a burden on you since you could be pressed for time but if you ask him to pick up his toys and he runs off, go pick him up bring him to the toys and tell him to pick them up. If he picks up one and runs off, bring him right back. If necessary take his hand pick up the toy and put it in the toy box.
Not being allowed to run off until the toys are put away is a real consequence directly associated with the behavior and he will get it, real fast. One thing to consider, you won't be able to "make" him comply for long, it's best to instill that pick up the toys means pick up the toys while you can physically bring him back to the task with ease. He sounds smart enough too that you can tell him, "you can't leave the room until the toys are picked up."
I don't think you will find yourself with a big power struggle here, but that is just my suggestion. I completely agree with the time out scenario, I mean how smart does a kid have to be to realize if he doesn't want to pick up his toys all he has to do is sit in time out. That's really not so bad for most kids! Losing the toy for a week or not getting to do anything else until they are picked up is far more effective all the way around.
Thanks Scott. That was great advice. Currently at 9 months pregnant, it is a little difficult for me to physically get him to do things but I see what you are saying. Normally, that is what I have been doing. Just taking his hand and doing the action with him. I continuously use vocabulary such as "have a good attitude," "good boy" and "obey mama." He actually repeats these phrases to himself even when he's alone! :) As he gets older I will have to try new things, but or now, I will stick to that.
Thanks!
Debra