Child-rearing techniques have a direct impact on who a child becomes

As daunting as the task of child-rearing may seem, we have been equipped with the skills to raise our children, God wouldn’t have endowed them to us otherwise. We just need to stop and listen to what common sense is telling us.

Have you ever found yourself holding your screaming baby unsure of what to do next because the book you read didn't tell you what to do if they don't stop crying? Have you ever been caught in the store with a toddler who is throwing a tantrum because you wont buy him what he wants, but you allow it because the books say that he is just overwhelmed and doesn't know how to express himself? Have you ever been afraid to breach your teenager's privacy despite your suspicions that she may be using drugs?

We've lost our grip on reality. We're afraid to make parenting decisions unless we know what the experts say. What did parents do before child behavior was studied? How did we get to the point where we're unsure of our innate child rearing skills? Looking at history we can see specific cultural changes that have led us to where we are today.

Changes Through the Generations

Parents, teachers, and neighbors worked together to raise children in rural communities. In the evenings families enjoyed playing cards, reading together, and listening to radio programs. Whether they thought it out or not, these were effective methods that built a firm foundation of mutual love and respect; something that is needed before any type of effective discipline can occur.

As people moved to the suburbs and cities, children were exposed to more and more people with differing views. Suddenly there were neighborhood children to play with, and depending on the values of that family, this was not always a positive influence. Sports teams were organized. Today children as young as three-years old can join a sports team.

With all of the options out there, parents have a difficult time picking and choosing activities, and they end up over-scheduling their children until they spend all of their free time driving to different activities. And instead of appreciating being told that little Johnny hasn't been playing well with other children, parents have started taking offense and blaming the adult who was in charge rather than dealing with the behavior that Johnny is exhibiting. Perhaps this is because we don't know each other as well now as those who lived in an agrarian society must have known each other.

It is easier to trust your child over another adult that you don't know very well. But, parents would be better served dealing with the child who is exhibiting poor behavior than blaming the adult who first spotted that behavior. Instead of finding reasons and making excuses for bad behavior, parents need to help the child identify why he is behaving that way and how he can deal appropriately with the situation. Sadly, because parents don't spend nearly as much time with their children as they used to, they may not know their child well enough to realize what he is capable of.

Affects of Technology

Before there was TV parents didn't have a "babysitter". Instead they relied on extended family, older siblings, kind neighbors, or a spouse. The radio would sometimes provide an evening of entertainment with the whole family sitting around listening to their favorite programs.

While the Internet and television are opening doors for our children that we never imagined would exist, there are a lot of bad influences out there too, and parents must be especially vigilant. It is tempting to use the television as a babysitter to get things done. While this doesn't hurt occasionally, parents have to be very careful that they aren't relying on it too much.

There is also a trend right now to give each child his own computer and television and to put it directly in his room. After all, who wants to fight with junior over what the family is watching that evening when each family member can just have his or her own TV? This gives a child way too much freedom in his surfing and viewing choices, freedom that the child is not ready to have yet. This trend is especially disturbing because it means that members of the family have even less interaction, not even watching TV together.

Expert Directed Child Rearing has a Negative Impact

Before there were people writing books about proper child rearing, parents relied on their children to tell them what they needed. Instead of finding a method in a book and trying to stick to that, parents responded to their child's cries, or didn’t respond if that's what the situation warranted. They knew their children and their children's needs without anyone else telling them what their child needed.

Today there are experts telling us to share a family bed and others who say that that's a bad idea. There are people saying that you should respond to every cry, and experts who believe the opposite arguing that a child should cry it out. Any concerned parent who picks up a variety of these books is going to put them down feeling even more confused than when she began.

It's maddening trying to keep up with the newest fad idea in child rearing. Instead of listening to their children, parents; believing that experts must know best with all of the education that they've had, try every new trick that comes along. If we would just stop trying new ideas and start listening to our children we might find that things go a lot more smoothly.

Impacts of Career Moms

When moms were at home, they were the main decision makers in what their children learned and did. Child-rearing was primarily accomplished by mothers, and when children went off to school, mom was able to be actively involved in the classroom and the PTA. In this way, she could keep tabs on her children and the curriculum that they were being taught. She knew the teachers, and when her child tried to blame the teacher for a problem he was having, that was quickly squelched because mom knew the teacher personally. She also had no illusions about her child's ability to disobey.

Today, moms are busy at work, and when they come home to find another note from the teacher they find themselves getting frustrated that the teacher can't handle her class. Instead of being able to help with homework and be involved at school, these beleaguered mothers send in money for fundraisers and attend the class play at the end of the year, unable to contribute any more of their time. Helping with homework is a drain on their already depleted energy levels and they begin to wonder why the teachers can't just do their job at school.

There has been a marked shift from the mom who was able to focus on her home and child rearing, to the mom who has to work to support the family and just has no time or energy left for anything else. Getting dinner on the table is difficult and more nights than not her children are eating fast food that was picked up on the way home. The lack of nutrition is showing across the nation with childhood obesity rates still rising. No one is benefiting by this necessity for a dual income and it is literally killing our children.

God Centered Parenting has Lost its Priority

When families made it a priority to go to church, our society focused on morally sound child rearing techniques. Murder rates were down, divorce rates were virtually non-existent, and children had an understanding of why they were required to behave a certain way. They learned not only how they should behave, but that God required that behavior because He loved them and wanted the best for them. In the same way, they could relate to why their parents had rules. It wasn't to be mean, it was because they loved them and wanted the best for them.

Today fewer families are taking the time to make God a priority in their lives. Children rebel against the rules that are set up because they don't have an understanding of why those rules exist. Without God, rules don't make sense. This confusion shows in society today.

The sad part is that many of these families who don't go to church actually believe that there is a higher power, they just want to make that higher power into whatever they want it to be. And so our young people grow up without moral guidelines and without an understanding that rules exist so that they can live together safely. Without an understanding of why rules exist, there is no understanding of why they should be obeyed. And that is why we have children making pacts to get pregnant, committing suicide, and drinking themselves to death.

Even in today's culture parents can wake up and step up to the parenting-plate. It is never too late to re-establish your role as the parent. Here are some ideas about where to start.

1. If you don't attend a church, begin attending.
2. Listen to what your child is telling you that she needs, rather than what the expert says she needs.
3. If you do work outside of the home, make a special effort to attend conferences with your child's teachers and to be involved with the school he attends.
4. As a parent, always work together with other adults in your child's life; remember you all ultimately want what is best for your child.
5. Be sure that you don't over-schedule your child. Variety is good, but too much is going to overwhelm him (and you) and may ultimately lead him to feel like he isn't good at anything.
6. If you don't agree with the principles of those who are teaching your child, consider a private school or home school.
7. Never give your child a TV or computer in his room. Keep them in main traffic areas and keep an eye on what he is viewing.
8. Make a balanced dinner a priority; plan a healthy menu at the beginning of the week.
9. Have your children help you prepare dinner, set the table, clear the table, and do dishes.
10. The family that plays together, stays together—teach your children card games, have a game night each week. Invest in a pool pass or a night out at a kid-friendly restaurant. Enjoy your children!