Child Goddess; Where Do the Parents Fit In

What happens to a child who is taken out of her childhood home at the age of 3, told that she is now a goddess, pampered and spoiled by those around her for 9 years, and then thrust into the world again and expected to re-conform to society? In Nepal, this is exactly what happens to those girls who are chosen to be the Royal Kumari.

Bordered by China to the north and India to the south, Nepal is a tiny country with a rich and varied history. A small part of that history involves the tale of a king who spent evenings consulting with a goddess called Taleju. It is said that one evening, the king's wife discovered them together and, not realizing that the woman was the goddess Taleju, she had a fit of jealousy and angrily challenged the pair. The goddess became enraged and left, refusing to bestow favor on the king's kingdom any longer.

The king feared that he would not be able to govern his kingdom without the advice of Taleju, and so he prayed and begged her to return. The goddess relented and told him that if he wished to see her he should pick a young virgin from the Shakya cast. He was to worship her as he had worshipped Taleju and through this girl the goddess would appear. He did as he was told and the Kumari tradition was installed. Because the Royal Kumari must always be a child, when the young girl who is chosen is about 12 a new Kumari is found and installed and the ex-Kumari returns to her home.

The Selection Process

The tradition of the Royal Kumari has been well-documented in a book entitled, From Goddess to Mortal, by Rashmila Shakya who was once a Royal Kumari. While the mainstream media reports horrendous rituals like locking the prospective Kumari, who is only 3 or 4 years old, in a room with severed animal heads in order to test her courage, according to Rashmila that is untrue.

Many western articles and documentaries also speak of an "intimate physical exam" that the child must undergo to make sure that she meets the 32 points of perfection required for the goddess. Rashmila explains that the exam was not intimate and not at all in depth. She points out that she doesn't even meet every requirement that is listed for the physical attributes of the Royal Kumari.

Life as a Goddess; Two sides to the Coin

Even though the most horrific tales about the Kumari tradition aren't true, there are many disturbing aspects to this ritual. Once the Kumari is installed, she leaves her family home to live in Kumari Che, the temple of the Kumari. Here she is revered as a goddess. Her parents are allowed to visit as often as they'd like, but they must treat her as a goddess. She is no longer their child. In fact, Rashmila shares that she doesn't even remember her life before the temple.

At the temple playmates must accede to her every whim and the adults try to guide her, but they must never cross her or make her angry, so she is left to do as she would like. She is not allowed to walk outside of the temple, and on the nine festivals a year that she is allowed to leave, she must be carried because her feet are not allowed to touch the ground outside of her temple. Schooling is low-priority, and since the goddess can not be forced to do anything, schooling fell by the wayside for many Kumari girls.

Returning Home

As one can imagine, this makes adjusting to regular life extremely difficult for these girls when they are no longer a Royal Kumari. Shakya shares that when she leaves her life as a goddess to return to normal life she had many adjustments to make. Her schooling was minimal and when Shakya left the temple life to return to mortal life she had to join a kindergarten class even though she was 12 years old.

Another problem she faced was learning how to walk outside, because for 9 years she had not been allowed to walk outside of her temple. She writes that her walking was more like "clomping". She was painfully shy and didn't know how to reach out to the people around her because her whole life, the only interaction she had with her peers was to command them to dance, play dolls, or do whatever she'd like. Because of this, she never had friends to share confidences with and didn't learn how to adjust socially. Thankfully for this ex-Kumari, she had a large family who didn't put up with her behavior when she returned to them. They gently guided her back to normal life.

The Role for Parents

There is a warning for parents in the Kumari's story. Children need rules. They need limits and boundaries. Children grow up, and if they haven't been taught from a young age how to function in the world they will have to figure it out for themselves and will make many painful mistakes that could be avoided if they are given proper instruction. Children have to learn how to socialize; they cannot be protected from every childhood squabble because these squabbles, as frustrating as they are, teach important lessons about how to get along in the world. Children have to be taught about the world around them. Shakya had an intense hunger to learn, but it wasn't fed. Without her natural desire to learn, she may have ended up like the Kumari who preceded her. This girl never went to school, but ended up living her life in front of her mirror with nail polish and make-up to play with, but no real purpose.

Rashmila did finally adjust to her new life, but she went through more pain than she should have ever had to endure as she faced new fears and tackled the world outside of her gentle temple walls. Her parents' hearts must have ached as they watched their daughter, so recently returned to them, run awkwardly to the steps of her former temple and pound on the door until someone let her in. She didn't return on her own, instead her parents allowed her to stay for a short time, but eventually went to the temple to bring her back home. This experience of living at the temple with the newly installed Kumari showed Rashmila that she really did belong with her family, but I can only imagine the tears her mother cried as she had to sit by and watch her child's agony.

The Need to Know God

Sadly, this is not the way it should have been for this girl, or any of the girls who are chosen to uphold this tradition. There is a message of hope that has not reached the people of Nepal. It's ironic that Mt. Ararat, the mountain where the ark is thought to have come to rest, is located in Nepal. Here God saved mankind from his wrath through Noah, and Noah and his sons spread out to re-populate the earth. It is on this soil that God is now denied and people continue to chase after false gods and lock themselves into fallen belief systems. In doing this they are only hurting themselves. Humans were created to worship God, not to be worshipped. The dark secret that these girls harbor in their hearts, knowing that they were not really divine, but merely a mortal playing a role must leave them with doubts about the gods they serve.

The Consequences and the Need to Teach Our Children

So what happens to a child, who is pampered and spoiled, shut away from the world completely and then thrust back into it? If not for Rashmila's wise family she would have ended up shut-up in her family's house, living on a government pension, afraid to face the world. It is important as parents that we teach our children social skills like sharing and conflict-management. We can't allow things to always go their way, even though that would be easier and less painful for us. Yes, our children will experience pain in this world, but if they don't face it they won't grow as they should. Like Rashmila's first clumsy outdoor steps, life outside of the home will not be easy for our children if we don't teach them how the world works before sending them out the door.