Child behavior is spiraling down out of control

Mention of Columbine High School brings a shudder to every parent, and for good reason. We won't soon forget the shocking news that two students brought guns to school and ruthlessly murdered their fellow students. Since Columbine, there have been other school massacres, a sign that the children in our society are in a dangerous, downward spiral.

There Is A Noticeable Shift In Current Child Behavior

While Columbine is the most extreme example of how the times have changed for child behavior, there are other problematic behaviors that are becoming more and more common. Anyone who taught public school as few as twenty years ago will tell you that the students today are more disrespectful, lazy, and have a "you owe me" attitude. Something has happened in society to cause such a monumental shift in our children's behavior.

Society is partly to blame, but parents have also stood back and allowed society to rip the reigns of control right out of their hands. The purpose of this article is to look at the changes that have happened over the past century in our society that have contributed to the moral decline in our nation, and also explore how parents can continue to encourage good child behavior in spite of our culture.

Living Circumstances In Our Culture

Three generations ago, our country was mainly an agrarian country. When families ran farms, they needed all of the members of the household to pitch in. Children were given chores at an early age. There were no rewards for doing their chores; it was just expected to be done. They did them because without everyone pitching in, they may not have food for the table. There was no time or patience for laziness; survival often depended on complete productivity. Through this upbringing, children learned that there were consequences for wrong child behavior. If the cow didn't get milked, she would begin producing less milk overall, and that meant less milk at the dinner table.

As farmers were unable to keep their farms and moved on to other professions, the suburbs began to form. Chores were no longer a necessity for living, so over time parents became lax about making sure chores were done. After all, if a bed doesn't get made, it has no impact on dinner. The problem is, these chores instilled a work ethic in earlier generations that we lack today.

Media Has A Larger Influence Than Most Parents Recognize

Before television, people read books, played games, and put on plays. Families spent time together in the evenings during the winter. In the summer months, children played outside most of the time and then went to bed at sundown. Parents read to their children, or they all played card games together. It fostered a sense of togetherness and community that we have lost, which inadvertently led to desired child behavior. Family members were very close because they spent their free time interacting with each other instead of tuned into a television. While I believe there is a lot that our society has gained from the media, there have been a lot of sacrifices that were made along the way. The biggest loss is the time spent interacting as a family.

Today, although there can be benefits to using the television as an educational tool, overall it has had a poor effect on our children's behavior. Television ads expose children to violence, alcohol, and sex. Some children get angry and violent when it is time to turn off the television, or to turn off a computer game. Video and computer games can be great educational tools, but they can also lure our children into dark worlds and infiltrate their minds with evil. Society certainly has not changed for the better since the television was invented and became the centerpiece of our homes.

A High Emphasis On "Expert" Wisdom

Western psychology was in the throes of its birth when our grandparents were young. Somehow, our great-grandparents didn't need any advice from outside parties on how to raise their children. And yet they raised a generation of great heroes who overcame difficult years through the Depression and World War II. Our grandparents are heroes indeed. Yet they were raised without advice from psychologists and doctors.

Pick up any parenting magazine today and you will see the latest news from the latest psychologist on how to accomplish appropriate child behavior. The problem is that we as parents have begun to think that other people know how to raise our children better than we do. Parents have been told that they don't understand the science behind what makes their children behave or misbehave and they have bought into that lie. This makes good, honest people, who want to do the best they can for their children, doubt their own decisions.

No one knows your child better than you. But we're scared because our society says that unless we have a degree saying that we are an expert, we don't really know what we're doing and we're going to scar our children for life. It's time for parents to get a backbone, for the sake of their children. The people in the magazines, on television, and even pediatricians don't know your child the way you do. Only you have the God-given authority to make decisions about how to raise your children. Be knowledgeable and informed, but remember that you are the parent.

Influence Of Career Motivated Moms

In previous generations, moms worked at the farm and were the primary

caretakers of the children. The rules were consistent because there was always one person who was the primary caretaker. Children didn't have to test the rules all of the time because they knew what the rules were and demonstrated positive child behavior and respect. Children went to bed when the sun went down and awoke when the sun rose. They didn't have a lot of toys, but they didn't need toys when they were working and playing outdoors most of the time.

During the 1940's women started working outside of the home and since then the percentage of women working outside of the home has risen. The purpose here is not to judge women who do that. Unfortunately, society has put many women in a situation where a dual income is needed to survive and there are many working moms who would rather be at home with their children. But, in talking about the reasons for the decline in our children's behavior, the working mom cannot be ignored.

When both parents work outside of the home they don't see their children all day. When they do pick up the kids from daycare, the kids are cranky and ready for dinner; not wanting to fight, the parents let their children's behavior slide without correction. Then, because they haven't seen the kids all day, they keep them up late in order to spend time with them. This leaves very little time for the parents to spend with each other, and the time that it does leave is not quality time because both of them are tired. The next morning comes too quickly and parents are dragging their exhausted children (remember the late bedtime?) out of bed so that they can be dropped off with their caretaker.

Moms often feel guilty for subjecting their children to this routine and not staying home with them. So to cope with the guilt, they buy their children more and more toys. Discipline often doesn't enter into the equation because mom and dad already feel guilty that they don't spend much time with them, and they want the time that they do spend together to be fun and exciting, and discipline isn't fun. This only promotes the undesired child behavior.

When both parents work outside of the home it creates two different sets of authority figures, the parents and the caretaker. When these authority figures have different rules and boundaries, it leaves the children wondering what really is allowed and what isn't. When children don't know what is right and what is wrong, they test it even more to try to figure it out, which makes their behavior even worse. Add the sleep deprivation to the mix, and you get negative child behavior.

Our Cultures Rebellion Against God

In our grandparents' time, there was a firm belief in God. The majority of the community went to church and believed that God played an active role in their lives. They taught their children respect for authority and through that, respect for their God. They attended church, read the Bible at night, and trusted God for providing the right amount of rain and sun for their crops. Parents instilled a godly perspective in their child's behavior!

Respect for authority and for God has declined over the past three decades. God has no place in our schools, our courts, or our public squares. One country under God no longer refers to the God that this country was founded on. It refers to any god that you choose.

With any god as God, we are left without a moral code. We may act kind and good because it is a formality, but how do we explain to our children why they shouldn't hit another child for stealing their toy? How do we do that if there's no higher moral code? And so, parents who have abandoned God are left floundering for reasons when their children want to know why they should behave a certain way.

And even parents who do believe in God don't necessarily believe that it is important to teach their children to respect authoriy. If only they could understand that without authority, there is no standard for child behavior. Without authority, anarchy ensues. We must teach our children that authority is a good thing, that our authority figures are placed in authority over us to protect us. That is why God gives children parents, so that they have someone to protect them and guide them in a world that is dangerous. It is imperative that our child's behavior shows a respect for authority, so that they respect not only their parents, but their God. If they don't respect, they don't obey, if they don't obey, they may die. It is a matter of life and death and sadly, many parents don't see it that way.

What Parents Can Do

God will not sit on his judgment throne and blame society for our children's failures; ultimately He will hold every parent accountable. So what can you do to improve your child's behavior when you are raising your children in a society that is out to destroy our family values? Here are some ideas to help you build a strong foundation of love and respect with your children.

1. Play games (cards, board games, put on plays) together at night.
2. Limit television time
3. Keep the television and computer out of your children's rooms and in a main traffic area where you can be aware of what they are watching.
4. Read the Bible as a family and talk about each other's days. Consider icebreakers like having everyone tell about their best moment and worst moment from the day.
5. Trust your own instincts about how to raise your kids. Remember that only YOU will be accountable before God for how you did.
6. Give your children appropriate bedtimes. Overtired children are cranky children and you and your spouse need time alone too. Your relationship is important for your children's security.
7. Enforce the rules you set up; Be consistent
8. If you're in a situation where you have to have a caregiver, talk to them about the types of rules that they enforce during the day and make sure you're being consistent about enforcing similar rules at home.
9. Don't set your child up to fail. If you're going to be running errands make sure your child is rested and fed first.
10. Have chores and responsibilities for everyone. Chores are a great opportunity to teach your children to be proud of the hard work they've done, and to teach them that by doing their work well, they are honoring God.
11. Be a parent that your children will respect. Treat them with respect, but make sure that whenever they challenge your authority that you are quick to assure them that you are still in charge. There is safety for them in knowing that they are not in control.
12. It's not old-fashioned to use terms of respect like "Ma'am" and "Sir". It is a good way to instill a sense of respect for authority figures in their life. Having respect for authority is a vital part of submitting oneself to God.

We Can Reverse The Downward Shift In Child Behavior.

While the morals of our society have been in steep decline over the past century, there is still hope. Most parents truly do love their children and want the best for them; they're just confused about how to do it. Part of raising godly children, despite our culture, is recognizing how we got to the point that we're at. If we can recognize our failures, we can address those problems and move forward by implementing new family traditions that will benefit our families. All is not lost, but we as parents need to be vigilant as we raise our children. It is a tiring job, but nothing you accomplish during the entirety of your life will be equal to accomplishing the task of raising your children into godly, men and women.