Cell phones
My daughter MIracle is 11 almost 12. She is bugging the crap out of me about getting a cell phone. I am trying to make her understand that a cell phone is a reward and that she can't just ask for it and have me run right out and get it. I told her that if she brings home good grades the first semester of school that i would consider getting one, but she has to understand that she has to keep uo the grade in order to keep it. She thinks that this is not fair and that it will take to lon to get it. She want's instant gradification.How do you explain delayed gratifiction to a 12 year old girl?
Syndicate
AddThis
Maybe I'm waaaay to old to understand your daughter's point of view of way too young as a mom to know how to handle this, but I'm a little confused as to why a 12 year old needs a phone.
If you think your daughter needs a cell phone for safety reasons then you should get her one regardless of whether her grades are good or not. Where I get confused is when we talk about a cell phone as a "reward." Cell phones are not toys. Owning a cell phone is an adult responsibility along with a bill and with discretion of when and how to use it. More than just being able to afford it, you will now have to deal with: who is calling her? who is texting her? What kinds of texts/pics is she sending out? When is she on her phone? Why is my bill so high this month? etc... Are you ready for THAT battle?
In my opinion cell phones are more than just something you earn because you get good grades.
Be strong, Mom. Kids her age are experts at getting what they want by bugging you until you'll do anything to shut them up :) But our job as parents is not to keep them happy but to keep them safe and raise them right.
If she gives you a hard time - come here to vent! But don't give in.
Good luck.
Debra
Hello Melissa,
Delayed gratification is not something you can explain, it's something that is learned. You've told your daughter what it will take to get the phone. That should be the end of your discussion with her until she has completed the steps to meet her goal.
Try writing down on a piece of paper what her ultimate goal is (to have a cell phone). Then clearly outline the steps it will take to earn that cell phone, for example, bring home good grades. Then hang that piece of paper on the wall in her room. Every time she says you aren't being fair remind her that she won't reach her goal by complaining and leave it at that.
I would also suggest that after she has earned the phone you do the same thing only this time her goal would be to "keep" the phone. The steps to meet the goal would be maintain good grades, comply with phone usage rules, comply with house rules. AND this it is important to clearly write down what the consequence will be, for example losing the phone until her grades are up. You would then hang the new goal sheet up for her.
The purpose of writing it down is so she can have her goal in front of her and what it will take to get it. Then all you have to say when she starts going on about fair and not fair is let he know complaining won't help her reach the goal.
As for learning delayed gratification, she will be grateful for accomplishing the goal in the end. Making her stick to the steps and not letting her complain about it puts the responsibility on her shoulders AND completely enhances the end gratification for her.
Hope this helps and good luck!