Attachment Parenting Teaches Parents To Nurture Their Children

Attachment Parenting is a parenting approach that places the highest value on nurturing in order to create strong family bonds. Parents follow a very instinctive and natural process summarized into eight principles.

Principles of Attachment Parenting

1. Preparation for pregnancy, birth and parenting;
   
   Parents attend classes or read literature on childbirth,breastfeeding, and a healthy pregnancy. Preparation is believed to be key in successful parenting.
2. Feed with love and respect;
   
   Feeding is considered to be an act of love and not only the fulfillment of a physical need. Children are fed when they show hunger cues avoiding rigid schedules. Meal time is used as a time to bond with the baby.
3. Respond with sensitivity;
   
   Parents should respond to children's cries with nurturing and understanding. This philosophy teaches that babies' brains are not developed enough to deal with strong emotions, therefore they need adults to comfort them.
4. Use nurturing touch;
   
   The importance of physical touch between children and their parents fosters healthy development. They believe that there are health and academic benefits to physically nurturing children.
5. Engage in nighttime parenting;
   
   This parenting philosophy encourages co-sleeping or sharing a family bed. They discourage parents from allowing children to "cry it out" in an effort to self-soothe claiming that the child will end up with negative long term effects. They believe that children are not able to self-soothe until three years of age.
6. Provide consistent love and care;
   
   A consistent, loving relationship with a caregiver will help the child develop healthy attachments. Parents should respect children's fears about separation.
7. Practice positive discipline;
   
   This approach strongly opposes traditional parenting by claiming that children become antisocial, ashamed and violent. They suggest parents use distractions and avoid consequences when disciplining children.
8. Strive for balance in personal and family life;
   
   Parents should seek to have harmony between their roles as lovers, parents, friends, and workers. Only when these roles are balanced can a parent feel happy and fulfilled.

Effects of Attachment Parenting

At first glance, this method may seem to be an excellent approach to parenting. There is minimal conflict between child and parent because the parent basically gives in to the child's natural desires. The child's natural desires are always considered to be valid.

Taking a closer look, you will notice that it is not respectful to underestimate a child's ability to adjust their behavior when directly asked to. Attachment parenting sits on the opposite extreme of traditional parenting where children are forced and punished. The same way that teaching children to fear their parents has no purpose; fooling a child into a behavior by distracting them teaches nothing. Children need to be taught directly how to behave appropriately.

This method may work in the short term, because parents do not have to deal with discipline; they simply nurture. They love their children and hope that they will become well behaved adults. The negative long term effect is that parents will spend a lot more time teaching and pleading with their children to behave.

One of the statements of Attachment Parenting is that if you give children love and respect, they will treat you with love and respect. Unfortunately, this is not always true. Children need to be taught the skills necessary to respect authority.

When parents tip-toe around a negative behavior, the child does not learn anything; and the parent will have to continue to tip-toe around that behavior. For example if a child is touching something dangerous this approach teaches that you distract the child with something else or move the item. Every time the child is in that situation the parent must continue to distract the child instead of teaching the child not to touch.

Popularity of the Approach

Attachment Parenting began to gain popularity in the mid 1990's. Thanks to online forums it has grown extensively in the last ten years. A few of these principles have been widely accepted; such as wearing babies on a sling, drug-free births, and bed sharing.

As with any principle there are two sides to be examined. Parents should reflect on their personal reasons for choosing their style. Are you choosing this style because you find disciplining too difficult? Or are you choosing this style because you honestly believe that it creates strong family bonds? Once you know what your values are as a family then you will be able to choose a style that is right for you.