Are teachers not Allowed to buckle My Child's Pants?
When I picked my son up from preschool today, he had wet his pants slightly. His teacher didn't know (I don't think). This is highly unusual for him so I was pretty surprised when he told me he'd peed in his pants. I got him home and out of the wet clothes and sent him to the bathroom. He peed FOREVER. So I asked him if he'd gone potty at school and he said, "no". When I asked him why he said that the teacher told him she can't buckle his pants for him, so he can't go potty.
He's 3 and 5 months. We do adjustable waist pants for him because he's skinny and long. Anything that pulls up and down easily falls right off his hips, or if it fits his hips, its way too short. He wears adjustable waist jeans to school and there is a snap and zipper. Not much to it, but in order to get it tight enough to stay up, you do have to pull it together to snap it and he doesn't have the strength for that yet...Zippers are still tricky for him too...and he has come home with his zipper undone in the past.
I have yet to call the teacher and clarify what Aiden told me, but has anyone else had an experience like this at the preschool level? If the story does turn out to be true and she refuses to buckle his pants for him at school, I'm going to have to pull him out. I can't have him holding it for 3 1/2 hours at school! Angry And I hate to think that he is being neglected while he is there. My heart just breaks that he had the embarrassing experience of wetting himself at school because his teacher wouldn't let him pee at the appropriate time!
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Our poor guys
Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com
We definitely have a double standard. I am not 100% about my claim. Although I do know men are not allowed to change diapers. That may be different. At my school they always asked men to be more careful than women with touching and nurturing. I guess its because of society's reactions.
Debra
That is great news to hear. Perhaps Debra is right and she asked him to wait because she was too busy to assist at that moment and he misunderstood. I can't tell you how many times my kids have looked at me with genuine confusion because they didn't quite get why I said what I did Undecided
All the same, so glad to hear it was a misunderstanding. Being legalities would sure be scary.
Debra - Are you serious about the male teacher restriction? Doesn't that seem a bit prejudice? It makes me think about the high school scenarios where a male teacher has an inappropriate interaction with a girl and he becomes an abuser, loses his job and potentially goes to jail. When a female teacher hits the same situation, it is handled sooo differently. She may lose her job but rarely do they pursue legal actions. Disappointing really, it is the same behavior - a child caught up in an adult relationship that shouldn't be. At the preschool level, in my opinion, a male teacher is no more likely to "buckle his pants inappropriately" than that of a female. People's reactions are just so strange to me sometimes.
Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com
Well, I'm not sure why Aiden thought he couldn't go to the bathroom. She told me that she always buckles his pants for him and was really surprised that he had wet himself last week Huh?. So I am not sure what really went on. Regardless, at least there are no legalities with buckling the pants...that was my main concern because I would've had to pull him out of school if that were the case. She was genuinely surprised...There were no problems yesterday
I know that male teachers are not allowed, but I would be surprised if the same was true for women. I am curious, Elsie, please post again after you talk to the teacher.
Hopefully the teacher was just busy and said she couldn't do it right then.
And thanks for sharing this. I had not thought about it but Joa will be in the same boat. He wears size 18-24 pants even though he isn't 1 yet. They go right to his ankles but they fall off the waist. I had to buy him a belt at Children's place when he was 6 months old! I didn't even know they made those.
Debra
I just wanted to add that I can sympathize with the fitting pants problem. Aaron, now 10 still needs those adjustable waist for the same reasons Aiden does. I remember the first couple of years that he hit his long and lanky between 2-4 I fought the pants issue and he often ran around in high waters or his diapers Grin Then when he was 4 1/2 his paternal aunt comes to visit and says, "hey I found these really neat pants, they adjust at the waist." At that time they were not available at some of the cheaper stores but is wasn't long before my delima of fitting pants was a thing of the past. My kids didn't attend pre-school, I taught at home so it was okay for the teach to help with the pants Wink I can tell you that as he gets older it gets much easier, now that Aaron can finally work his own belt buckle (his fine motor skills were very delayed, it wasn't until this year that he could) I don't have to stress over the adjustable pants as much and he can almost always get things buckled up on his own. On average Aiden will be able to handle this task in another year or two, definitely by the time he enters kindergarten. Please let us know what the possible resolutions are after you speak with the teacher. This can be very helpful information.
Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com
Thanks for the feedback you guys. I'll definitely follow up with the teacher Tuesday. I used to teach, so I do know how stories can change when they're filtered through a child...
Sweatpants-I wish! They don't fit my string bean. They either fall off of his hips because they're too loose, but long enough, or they stay on his hips and come up to his shins...The only pants that fit well are the kind with the adjustable waist. That way I can cinch them in, but buy them long enough...So I really don't have another pants option. Shorts are different, when he wore shorts those would slide up and down because the length doesn't matter as much with shorts...
Mikki-Teachers here in VA aren't allowed to touch students either. I didn't always listen to that rule...I hugged my girls, but not my boys since they were 7th and 8th grade and too old for that...No one ever complained, but at an aquarium I can see how you would have to be more cautious since you don't know the child or parents that you're dealing with. Wow! It is definitely a suit happy society...Crazy!
It's sad, but I could actually see this being a rule within a preschool. We live in such a "suit happy" society now that everyone has to watch their every step for fear of being sued.
Not at all saying I agree here, but maybe playing a little bit of devil's advocate. In a daycare setting, of course, they have to change diapers and help with toileting and so forth. But when children get to preschool, at least in my experience, they need to be capable of going to the bathroom on their own. So there shouldn't be a reason for the teacher to be touching a child in that area. It's easier for the school to say absolutely no touching there--cut and dried rule, no room for misinterpretation. If you say, well, you can touch and help them if they really need to, but be careful how you do it, and only do it if requested, and only if the parent says okay, etc., etc. Now you're openig up gray areas. And the first time a preschooler comes home and has misinterpreted something a teacher did, you may have a huge problem on your hands.
Again, I don't agree with it at all, but that may be where they're coming from. But before you even start tackling that one, talk to the teacher and make sure you got the full story from Aiden. Could be something he misunderstood or didn't hear or whatever.
Could you send him in sweatpants? Or how about the pants that have the little slide-loop kind of thing---whatever that's called?
Good luck with this one!
This is definitely something you should follow up with. my best friend's son was attending preschool at the age of 3 and I have never heard of them not assisting in helping with the buckles. At the preschool level what legalities could there possibly be? I certainly hope Aiden misunderstood the teacher and thought he couldn't go because they wouldn't help, not that the teacher really wouldn't
Some classrooms and teachers are different too and perhaps after a quick chat the teacher they will gladly assist Aiden when needed. It would seem to me acceptable in this situation, although things are so different now. My daughter Jessica and I were participating in training for the local aquarium (she wanted to volunteer) and they had given us a real scenario that they face every day and asked how we would handle it. Here's the scenario:
A toddler picks up a star fish from the touch pool (we aren't aloud to pick them up, only touch them) and he is squeezing the life out of the poor thing and jumping up and down so excited with his catch. Mom doesn't even seem to notice that her toddler is unintentionally killing the fish and really doesn't seem care. What do we do?
I said very plainly that I would kneel beside the toddler, place one hand on his shoulder and with the other hand gently slip my finger between his grip and the fish (at least try to) and say, "We look at the fish like this" while placing the fish back in the pool.
They informed me that was good, except we are to prevent touching the child when ever possible
Things have sure changed in the public world and what Aiden says may very well be true, unfortunate but true.
Mikki Hogan Publisher of UniqueParenting.com