Any Suggestions on Handling Grocery Store Meltdowns?

Okay, I'll admit to having been one of "those people" before I had kids! I'd see the tantruming child in the store and swear that MY child would never act like that. There's nothing like motherhood to teach you a little humility!

Now I see the frazzled mom with the little one screaming and really feel bad for them. I know they're trying their best and it can be quite unnerving to deal with. I'll usually try to go out of my way to smile or nod or give a quick word of encouragement to the mom who's at wit's end. Just a quick reminder that we've all been there and it's okay.

I like to think "those people" need to be around kids more often. Our pastor put a little note in our bulletin at the feast kindly reminding parents that they should focus on the need to train our children to sit or be occupied quietly during services. He shared where the parents rooms were for the extra fussy infants, to encourage their kids to sit and play quietly (we blanket train and our kids stay with us during services) to take a fussy child outside the service hall and so forth, then immediately followed that with the expectation of the congregations response to our children, "On the other hand, as parents are working with their small children, we all should show patience and support for them." I thought that was very fitting. Raising our children takes effort and patience, it sure helps when those around us are giving the same!

Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com

Mikki-What do you mean by blanket training? What is that? I've never heard of it.

That's great that your pastor is so supportive. Our church is packed with young families and people there are usually pretty understanding. In the church I grew up in I had worse experiences with adults in the back talking during the church service than I ever have had with kids talking during a service!

Anyway...Aiden has been much better in the store lately. I think most of his meltdown had to do with readjusting to life after vacation...That's always tough

Whoa! The sitting in the car rather than going home is a great idea. It so sends the right message. I always wondered why mom has to miss out on shopping because the kid is acting out. Thanks Mikki.

My child is way to young for melt downs but I went to Target yesterday where my child decided to vocalize for everyone around us. He was happy as can be just screaming his little heart out. He has discovered his voice already Smiley He was just exploring with different sounds. I told him to stop, gave him a paci, handed him a cool toy to play with, but he just kept on screaming. I was a little embarrassed but I just made a joke for everyone around us. Most chuckled. A couple rolled their eyes, but I guess I'll have to get used to those people.

Debra

Hi Elsie,

Blanket training is real simple. We spread a blanket out on the floor in front of our seat and that is the space the baby gets to occupy. their toys, crayons and such are placed on the blanket and they are able to sit there and play. This method is an effort to show a defined boundary (stay on the blanket during services) and encourage quiet play while preparing them for sitting in a smaller, more confined space (on the seat next to mom and dad). It is a great way to help busy bodies be a part of services and still have the room they need to play. There is a mommy room set up so the really young ones (just starting to walk through 2 - 3 years) can actually run without moms forcing them to sit, but all moms focus, even in the mommy room, of spreading out the blanket and keeping the toys on that blanket. Most kids keep their blankets until they are about 9 or 10 because it is more enjoyable than sitting on the seat Wink

Glad to hear Aiden has settled back into his pleasant store trips. those are always much more pleasant trips.

Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com

Mikki-What do you mean by blanket training? What is that? I've never heard of it.

That's great that your pastor is so supportive. Our church is packed with young families and people there are usually pretty understanding. In the church I grew up in I had worse experiences with adults in the back talking during the church service than I ever have had with kids talking during a service!

Anyway...Aiden has been much better in the store lately. I think most of his meltdown had to do with readjusting to life after vacation...That's always tough

I like to think "those people" need to be around kids more often. Our pastor put a little note in our bulletin at the feast kindly reminding parents that they should focus on the need to train our children to sit or be occupied quietly during services. He shared where the parents rooms were for the extra fussy infants, to encourage their kids to sit and play quietly (we blanket train and our kids stay with us during services) to take a fussy child outside the service hall and so forth, then immediately followed that with the expectation of the congregations response to our children, "On the other hand, as parents are working with their small children, we all should show patience and support for them." I thought that was very fitting. Raising our children takes effort and patience, it sure helps when those around us are giving the same!

Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com

Whoa! The sitting in the car rather than going home is a great idea. It so sends the right message. I always wondered why mom has to miss out on shopping because the kid is acting out. Thanks Mikki.

My child is way to young for melt downs but I went to Target yesterday where my child decided to vocalize for everyone around us. He was happy as can be just screaming his little heart out. He has discovered his voice already He was just exploring with different sounds. I told him to stop, gave him a paci, handed him a cool toy to play with, but he just kept on screaming. I was a little embarrassed but I just made a joke for everyone around us. Most chuckled. A couple rolled their eyes, but I guess I'll have to get used to those people.

Debra

I read this post with fond memories, or not so fond, I guess it depends on how you look at it I remember the time when Danielle was only 4 years old and Jessica was barely a year.  We went to a clothing store to shop for much needed clothes and Danielle decided she was going to have a bad day at the store and started down a path which led to a full blown temper tantrum.  I collected my two children and walked outside of the store and sat Danielle down on a bench and waited for her to stop screaming.  When she was done I told her that I will not shop for clothes if she would not control her anger.  We went back in the store and within 5 minutes Danielle was at it again.  As inconvenient as it was we left the cart and went home.  Boy was she mad.

I remember similar fits with Jessica and now with Morgan who still sometimes thinks she will slump herself on the floor and cry if I tell her no.  Aaron didn't go through these tantrums, I suspect his brain had bigger and better things going on while we were shopping, like fighting the rain drops because they were hitting him

The days of the fits in the store do end and they will be your fond memories.  You made the right choice in following through with putting him in the cart, tears and all.  I watch so many battles in the store where mom or dad says stop or else, and then the or else never comes.  I do want to comment on your statement that you had just returned from vacation and you haven't had to deal with a melt down in the store for a long time.  I think one has an impact on the other.  The change of returning home and adjusting back to our routines can make us cranky and cranky kids just seem to misbehave.  As grown ups we have (hopefully anyway) learned how to control our cranky behavior and our 3 yr olds are just trying to get the hang of it.  When they don't succeed at it we let them know what is appropriate either by putting them in the cart and letting him know he will be spanked or leaving the store all together and telling them why, because they are not controlling their anger or following the rules.  How else will they learn?

When my kids misbehave in the store, and sometimes they still do, I tell them to stop the behavior and that is it.  This usually does the trick but for those days that it doesn't I park my cart next to the door and walk my kids out to the car.  Lucky for me all the grocery store employees recognize my family and leave my cart for my return, even if it takes a while.  When the kids are done we go back in the store and finish shopping.  I do it this way for two reasons, one I don't want my kids getting the idea that if they don't like shopping they can act up and we go home.  Instead they not only have to shop but they had to sit in the car and face whatever punishment was appropriate for the situation.  (The silent treatment woks wonders you know  ; and it makes the kids think about why they are in the car).  The second reason is that I want my kids to know, no matter where we are or what we are doing I expect them to be in control of their behavior and I wont accept less.

I hope this is helpful Elsie and always remember our challenges with our kids today will become one of our fondest memories in the end, and theirs.

Mikki Hogan Publisher of UniqueParenting.com