Any Suggestions on Dealing with My Daughters Constant Crying?

Thanks guys for sharing so much advice. It seems that her crying may be a result of slight hunger. My milk is starting to "thin" out and she is not getting enough food. Luckily she has not started losing weight from this. The pediatrician checked my milk and their is no substance. She said this is common when our breasts begin to try up during the weaning process, funny I wasn't weaning but it looks like we need to start a bottle

The good news is we stayed on top of the doctors until they found the cause. Her crying kept getting worse and we knew something wasn't right. We found out before she had any problems and now will have the task of adjusting to formula any advice?

I agree with Elsie. Listen to your heart.

Before my baby was 3 months old, I was not comfortable with him crying at all. We began to have sleep issues and I felt guilty about it. My mom would tell me "Don't let him cry at all!" My MIL would say "of course he's going to cry, he knows you're going to pick him up." I felt like one of those cartoons with the devil on one shoulder and an angel in the other.

The combination of my baby's crying, not getting enough sleep and all the advice from books and people was beginning to take its toll on me. One day I called my husband in tears and said, "Enough. I'm not reading any more or listening to any more advice. I'm not doing anything that I'm not comfortable with. I have a God-given mommy sense, and I am going to trust it. This is it!" Thankfully, he completely supported me through my break down.

We ended up devising our own sleep solution based on several that I had read. I tailored them to my son and by the end of 5 months old, he was sleeping through the night. (by sleeping through the night I mean sleeping from 8pm to 7am) The plan included some tears. I noticed that some nights, if I came in right away, he cried harder and longer. If I let him cry for five or ten minutes, he would fall asleep.

Now he goes to sleep instantly when I put him down at 7pm and sleeps until 7am. Feeding and napping schedules help, but don't obsess over them. Keep your baby's needs #1. Don't be afraid to "spoil" your baby. Believe me, this time FLIES by. You don't want to have any regrets. I'd rather regret "I held him too much" than "I didn't hold him enough."

About other people.... I've noticed as a new mom that EVERYONE has an opinion. I've also realized that some moms tend to have selective memory or they like to paint a nicer picture than what really goes on in their homes. For example, I had a friend brag about how her kids slept from 7pm to 8am One night I called her at around 9pm. As I began to apologize for calling so late, I heard the kids in the background screaming and going crazy. She said they were getting ready for bed. 7pm? Yeah right! I've regretted being hard on my baby because of someone's advice that they didn't even follow.

You're a great mom! Trust your instinct.

Debra

Hi, ladies. I agree that crying is out is not a good thing. I always try to look at it from the baby's perspective. She cannot get up and go somewhere. She cannot go lie on the couch or the bed to feel more comfortable. She cannot speak her feelings like we can do when something is upsetting or saddening. Her only option is to cry. Ignoring it will not solve anything.

My second child was a crier. A high-need baby, a difficult baby, a fussy baby, a colicky baby. Whatever you want to call it, he was it. For four months straight, if he wasn't nursing or asleep, he was crying, screaming, sobbing.

It was a horrible time. I will not try to candy coat it. I hated it and wished there was some kind of return policy.

But it passed. He did stop crying, he even learned to smile and laugh. Now he's a mainly happy four year old. Whatever was bothering him so much during his baby time doesn't bother him anymore. I think it was a personality thing because he still doesn't like change, and when I think of the dramatic amount of change he was going through in those first few months... no wonder he cried!

I am so thankful that, no matter how stressful it was for me, we responded to every cry. Even if all I could do was hold him while he cried, I did it. It breaks my heart to think of babies lying alone and crying with no one there to offer comfort. The crying days will pass. Just try not to pull out your hair in the meantime!

JaMae-Another thing with my son...He is extremely active and his brain has always worked faster than his body will allow. At 3 months old I'd watch him gaze around the room and scream as though he wanted to get someplace. By the time he was 5 months old he had mastered the army crawl. Even today his tolerance for frustration is very low. We work on it, but if he can't figure something out he gets enraged. I know now that some of the crying was just his personality as he got frustrated with his own limitations.

I love Mikki's point that crying for comfort is a real need. I wish I had more people telling me that when I was a new mom. Instead they told me to let him cry it out (CIO). When he was 3 weeks old my IL's came to visit. My MIL told me that I just needed to let him cry and he'd fall asleep. I was so tired and frustrated and sick of her advice that I decided to do it just to prove it to her. I put him in our baby swing in the living room and he cried for 30 minutes in that swing. I finally went over and picked him up once I'd made my point...but if I could do it over again I'd have told her to take a hike. She kept remarking the rest of her stay that she couldn't believe he had cried for so long and hadn't gone to sleep. Every baby is different and the people giving you advice didn't have YOUR daughter. Even my advice may not do you any good because even though I parented a fussy baby, my fussy baby was different than yours is. You've been entrusted with her and even if she's still crying your touch, voice, and body are comforting to her.

When I did do CIO, I couldn't do it for more than 5 minutes...and there were times that it helped me get my head back on straight when I just couldn't take the crying anymore. But I really wish I could go back and do it over again. I remember an instance where my husband's grandmother told me that I should put my screaming 6 month old (who had just thrown up he was so upset) down and let him CIO. I've never felt so much fury towards an old woman! Shocked I know they grew up in a different time, but when your baby is crying the last thing you need is more advice...It's really hard when so many people are telling you so many different things...and it does seem like everyone has a different view on the CIO option. It's maddening for a new mom. Enter relatives with their own opinions and its no wonder any of us make it through the first year with our sanity!

Have you tried a sling? Aiden loved the sling, but I didn't discover it until he was about 12 weeks old. It was a lifesaver! Also, Aiden's reflux was silent. We didn't discover it until he was 8 months old because he didn't throw up a whole lot or have any of the normal signs. He did do a head jerking thing when he was on his belly crawling around. I finally mentioned it to a pediatrician (I was worried it may be a neurological issue) and she told me that some babies do that when they have reflux. She put him on Pepcid and I had a new child...until the teething started Grin. It really wasn't until he was done teething that the evening cry-fests stopped. Like I said, he was 18 months old when I finally noticed a permanent difference.

My advice to new moms is to go ahead and educate yourself on different techniques, but when it comes to your baby, listen to your heart. The first year is exhausting, but it is completely worth it.

Thanks everyone for all you replies. We are just starting to look into why she is crying so much. I do breast feed and they have not found a reason to suspect my diet is a cause. She doesn't appear to be colic either the doc said. At first we thought she just liked to cry but it seems to be getting worse and she will only nurse for a few minutes and then start crying again.

Her weight and everything has been good so far so it is just one big I will keep you posted and let you know what we find out, even if it is just that she wants to cry!

I have seen so many moms recently take to this idea of allowing their infants to cry it out. I strongly discourage this. The whole idea of spoiling your infant is just silly. Our babies spend 9 months inside our bodies. Why would we be spoiling them if we continue to hold them, especially when they are stressed. Infants, and even younger toddlers have not developed the maturity to "manipulate" a situation for their own pleasure, hence making "spoiling" an impossibility. When our babies cry, they need something - and it is a genuine need if they want to snuggle with mom or dad.

I am glad to hear that your doctors are taking her crying seriously. As Elsie mentioned there are physical reasons that could be leading to her constant crying and that means discomfort and pain. Again I strongly believe that when an infant needs snuggling that is discomfort too! Are you nursing or bottle feeding? I only ask because bottles can lead to excess air in the stomach (gas), and breastfed babies don't have air issues, but they do respond to your diet. I am sure the doctors have considered these things. I guess I am curious about what they are looking for? Do they suspect something may be going on or are you just starting to look into it?

Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com

Ja Mae-I understand a little of what you're going through. Mine cried for his first 18 months of life! He had colic and acid reflux. There were afternoons where I could do nothing but hold him and watch him cry, while crying over my own helplessness. It made me feel like I was a bad mom. I know now that I'm not Cheesy, but I thought I'd share that with you in case you ever feel that it's something YOU'RE doing to make her cry--It's definitely not! It's so hard to watch them and feel like you can't help. If swinging her in the car seat works...do it. Aiden napped in his swing for the first 4 months of his life. I was worried it would spoil him, but then one day he wasn't napping well in the swing anymore, so I switched him back to the crib. It ends up working out in the end. I hope the doctors can give you some insight...Hang in there. You definitely aren't the first mom to go through this, and you're doing a great job because you've already found something that works for her--the car seat.

One day that crying will turn to singing and you'll have a communicative little toddler on your hands who can at least tell you what hurts.