All these wasted or unwasted timeouts.
I grew up in a family of 9. I have 6 other siblings of various ages. And it always seemed that while I was growing up there was always someone that was being corrected, whether it was gentle guidance or punishment for a wrong. However, I always saw that my mom was changing the way she was working with us. She was trying new correctional habits and trying to guide us by different means until she found the one that worked best with us.
Of course every correction used to help children is going to be different depending on the child. For example, some children will change their ways with just a simple reminder while others need much more than just this.
But anyway, I remember that one of the things my mom tried with us was timeouts. And I remember that sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. I also recall that some of my siblings responded differently to a so called timeout. Timeouts are a good thing to be used to calm a child. It gives the child a chance to get away from the people or things that are causing their mood change. It allows for them to calm down, figure out their feelings and decide what they want to do about it and how they will do it. Not only are timeouts good for the child but it is also great for the parent. See the parent may have tried to talk to the upset or angry child a few moments ago but the child wouldn't have listened or responded. However, the child has been able to take a breather and when he/she is ready will be able to talk and the parent can then at that point talk to the child and show them their error and help them to work through it if there is a need.
So, timeouts are not a waste of time if used at the appropriate time. Cause timeouts are not always going to fix a problem and they surely won't always be exactly the best correction. But really timeouts are great for when one needs to take a break before they continue to fix the problem. This is just what I think.. What about you guys?
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We have used timeouts, but we've used them both as a punishment and as a means of calming down.
Often in the morning Aiden will start the morning with a battle over what he's having for breakfast. For instance, I will give him two acceptable choices such as oatmeal or waffles, and he will insist on noodles or cookies. I'll tell him "no" and at that point he'll completely start throwing a fit. I don't know why, but many mornings start with this battle. When he starts screaming, I tell him he needs to go to his room until he can calm down and enjoy breakfast like a big boy. This is more of the "time out" so that he can collect himself, and it is very effective.
Using timeout as a punishment is sometimes useful as well, and this is only because he is the type of child who hates being out of the action. It wouldn't work with a child who is more reserved. Frankly, timeouts only work for so long before we need to "notch it up" to a spanking. Spankings are far more effective for him, but I save those for rare moments when a timeout isn't working.
~Elsie
We have used time outs for the same reasons Cheryl. I have not always thought a simple "time out" was an effective form of punishment but it has in the past and still does proven to be very affective on getting the kids to take a step back and think about their current actions and reactions and bring themselves back to a stable level. It works great for arguing, begging, whining, and pouting. Other than that though I haven't really found a good use for time outs as a good punishment. Also how I expect the time out varies. Some times they need to just stop talking to each other and remain silent for a while. Sometimes they are sent to different rooms and sometimes they are sent to the corner. This last is most humiliating for my younger kids and seems to really curb those unacceptable outbursts.
Has anyone else used time outs in their home? How affective has it been and what do you use it for?
Mikki Hogan
Publisher of UniqueParenting.com
Hi Danielle,
This is an interesting topic. My boys are now 8 and 6 and we do very rarely have to use timeouts. Although we've never called them that per se. I've always just said to the boys, okay, you need to calm down right now. I want you to go to your room and relax until you're ready to come out. This way it's not really a punishment, but a true "time out" of whatever is upsetting them. The funny part now that they're older is they actually understand what's going on and will choose to stay in their rooms longer than I intend. I'll say to them that they can come out now and they'll actually choose to stay in their room a few minutes more. Aidan, the 8-year-old, has even chosen to put himself in time out a few times when he knew he was doing something he shouldn't be.
I do have to say I've been very lucky, though. Of course, as toddlers they both had their moments! But as they got a bit older, I found they really are very well-behaved little boys. Very, very seldom do either of them do anything where I feel they need to be punished. I see so many parents struggling with children who don't listen or are intentially disobedient. I'm sure those years are going to come--but for now I just count my blessings!
Cheryl