It's All About Me; My Teacher Said So

A common frustration I faced when my kids were in public school was the all encompassing "me" syndrome that is passing around the schools. Teachers are striving to 'build' self-esteem by convincing each student that they are the most important person, no matter if they are part of a larger group. This trend began in the late 90's and has since grown into common practice all the way up to high school.

We are a large family with two parents and 7 children raised in the home together with an 8th child living with her mother. We have no place for individualism when it places one child above another. In reality the consequences of this type of thinking has an even more devastating affect on homes with one or two children because they don't experience the constant, natural reminder of others. When children are taught to see themselves as "the most important" they will behave in like manner, as if they are the most important ALL the time.

While there are many parents out there focusing each day to provide their children with a morally rich view towards the community around them and to foster a love and tolerance of others they need to be aware of the not so obvious attempts in society that seriously inhibit our children's moral development. Societies attempt to push the 'all about me' agenda is one area that parents will find constantly knocking at their doors.

How Much Influence Does A Parent Really Have?

Once a child enters elementary school they will spend on average 7 hours of his day in school. If they use the school bus system to get to and from school you can add another 2 hours giving them a total of 9 hours per day away from their parents guidance and at the disposal of the school systems influence. For kids that attend after school programs you are adding another 3-5 hours of external influences.

The average kid spends 11 hrs a day, 55 hrs each week away from their parent and under the schools direction. This gives the parents fewer waking hours with their children than the public school system has and with the rapid decline in our societies take on family this should really scare parents. The schools teach our children anything BUT moral standards. At the top of the list of the domino affect is the 'all about me.'

As recently as 2007, the last year any of my children were in the public school system, my daughter comes home from school and says to me. "My teacher said I am the most important person in my life and that I should make me happy first no matter what."

I was stunned. She was in Middle School! I truly believed that this was merely something they drilled into the elementary kids. I had to ask her if she was serious. To my surprise she was, and further informed me that most of the school staff reminded the students of this daily.

She openly states how ridiculous her teachers' way of thinking is. She knows that she is only "most important" sometimes. There are times that she has to put her wants and needs aside to accommodate a more immediate need of someone else around her. Sadly most of her peers are not so fortunate.

High Self-Esteem Equals Self-Centered Focus?

Kids and teens alike are prompted daily to put themselves above others. They are encouraged to make themselves happy first. The all about me incentive focuses on only me and no one else. It ignores the fact that families to do not work together individually. It ignores the fact that communities, businesses, and even schools do not work together individually. So why would they teach our children so actively that they are more important than everyone else? Their answer is to build high self-esteem. Does this really build self-esteem?

Take a look at our "all about me" kids today:

• Garbage is laying on the sidewalk, so they step over it.
• Another child is getting knocked over in the jumper, so they step over them.
• One child is standing in the corner crying, so they move further away.
• A kid is being pushed around, so they ignore them.

They may appear to have higher self-esteem but at what cost?

During this past 4th of July holiday we took our children to the local community festival. They had jumpers for the kids to enjoy, and they did. To there own pleasure.

Teens were romping around oblivious to the small children falling down and getting hurt. Small children were pushing each other to be the first one up the slide, not caring who they knocked over. Kids were ignoring the direction of adults and expressed that they were "just having fun." Kids were crying because someone stepped on them. The one who did the stepping gives a shrug and moves on.

Through the generations we have always had the group of kids that bullied their way through the jumper or the kids that were more interested in being first than thinking of their peers. But in a group of 30 kids they were usually less than 5. What I witnessed during this event took a complete turn around. The kids that seemed to care were fewer than 5 and not one of them older than 9. Most of those kids accepted being knocked around and didn't complain. A couple left the jumper all together but didn't express any dissatisfaction to their parents what so ever; yet when mom and dad asked if they wanted to go back in they sullenly shook their heads no.

As I witnessed all this going on before my eyes I grew more concerned about how my little lady was holding up in there. She's one tough kid but this behavior is foreign to her. I started watching her closely ready to be there if she called. Her face was stern as the kids pushed by her and ran up the side. I believe even once I saw a fit of rage cross her eyes.

I think what moved me the most was watching my 7 year old take her body and block the stairs to the slide because a toddler was trying to climb up and everyone else was stepping over her. She had been standing behind this little girl for several minutes helping her stand back up every time she fell over to no avail. Another couple of kids would push through knocking over my daughter and the 2yr old in front of her.

I saw that rage roll across her face again as she reached out on both sides and grabbed two fists full of net creating a wall. When kids tried to go under she bent her knees. When they tried to push past she elbowed them back. I heard echoes of "move;" "you can't block the stairs;" "I was here first," and my little girl gripped the sides tighter and nudged the impatient kids back without hesitation.

That toddler took about a minute to get up those stairs and my little lady made a lot of older kids very angry because they were not getting past. Once they were at the top my daughter held her ground until the little one was down the slide and out of the way. Then she slid down, came over to me and asked, "Mom, why are all the kids so mean? They didn't even care that that little girl needed help." I was more proud of her at that moment than any other moment before then. That was an amazing demonstration of strength and values that most kids no longer have.

The Only Child Syndrome, Multiplied!

With out a doubt this type of behavior is so predominant as a result of the "all about me" teaching that has flooded our schools and other public programs. In our society so many kids are being drilled to think of themselves first. It's printed in the text books they read, the movies they watch, even embedded into the curriculum. These kids don't consider those around them. They grow up into selfish adults; inconsiderate to others feelings. As a society we have accomplished in taking the 'only child syndrome' and turned it into the 'every child syndrome.'

Self-esteem is important, but not at the expense of others. My children have high opinions of themselves. They definitely are not lacking in self-esteem, but I have never faltered in my guidance as a family. They are shown daily the proper way to demand their own wants and desires as well as how to stand up and demand someone else's.

Develop Their Self-Esteem Through Love For Others.

When you are looking for tips on how to boost your kids self-esteem, seek diligently. Don't accept the first thing that comes your way because it sounds good, or it is popular. Evaluate your family needs, the values you want your children to have, the kind of adults you want your kids to be, and the over all well-being of your child. There are ways to promote a high self-esteem AND a devotion towards others.

Again the average kid spends more waking hours each week away from their parents and under the guidance of public schools. Know what you are up against, its impact and how to beat it. It should never be 'all about me.'