Active Parenting; A Lifestyle For Families

Active parenting is a parenting style in which parents lead the initiative to develop responsible children using various communication tools. Active Parenting families celebrate regular family meetings in which parents explicitly and actively teach their children how to handle problems. Through the use of "I" messages ("I feel emotion when you action. I would like for you to action."), and logical consequences, parents discipline in a way that is positive and proactive.

As the name suggests, active parents are not only present in their children's lives, but are actively involved. This can be seen in their volunteering at school functions, being able to name the child's interests and favorites, and the practice of proactive discipline. These parents teach their children appropriate behavior rather than reacting to inappropriate behavior.

One of the best features of this method is the use of logical consequences. All too often parents miss this point. Take, for example, the child who writes on the wall and gets sent to time out. Imagine their thought bubble: "I was writing on the wall and now I have to sit here. Hmmm." Doesn't make much sense. Instead, if the child is asked to clean the wall or has the crayons removed from them for a time, then they will make an appropriate connection. Active parents are encouraged to think creatively and come up with consequences that will teach the child the desired behavior instead of punishing them pointlessly.

Effects Of Active Parenting

The main benefits of this style are the increased self-esteem and trust of the child. When a parent is visible in the life of a child it sends them a message that they are important enough. Children feel loved and valued. Spending time actively participating in your child's life will inevitably result in a close relationship between parent and child. There will be a bond of trust formed that will last through adulthood.

Children of active parents learn to problem solve early on. They are equipped with the ability to weigh options and make good choices. In active parenting homes, the family expresses mutual respect. These families work cooperatively to solve problems and make decisions.

A word of caution to active parents is to be aware of boundaries. Although it is important to establish a relationship with your children, it is easy to blur the line between parent and friend. Children need limits, rules and expectations in order to thrive. Being actively involved in a child's life can lead to a too-friendly relationship where the parent starts to feel guilty when it's time to say no.

Active parents also need to be sure that they are respecting their child's private space in order to not stifle them. This approach encourages parents to stimulate their child's independence.

The largest wave of the active parenting movement began in the 1980s by Dr. Michael Popkin. Since then, thousands of parents have read his books and attended his workshops on active parenting. Although many parents believe to be active parents, very few truly are. Active parenting takes a lot of thought, time and work. Being a child's taxi cab or being physically present at their functions is not enough. Be actively involved in your children's lives. After all, they grow up way too fast and you can never go back.